3-Day streak

I know, don't count your chickens until they hatch, right?  But I'm celebrating small victories! LOL!

3 days in a row of total tracking, I was over points, but not by "bad" stuff, consumed 100 oz. of water,  AND ran 45 minutes on my own 'mill.  I feel it this time.  It's in me to keep going (stupid small voice in the back of my head just chimed in, "For now," but I'm ignoring it)!

I was reviewing my My Fitness Pal app and am bravely sharing this with you:

This is a graph of my weight from May 2, 2011.  What I can tell from this four year span is I can pinpoint time and that it syncs with events that propelled me into depression and other hungry emotions.  *shaking my head* I'd really like to shift my response to healthier methods.  I mean, if I'm looking to punish myself, working out is a fine method! LOL!

........I'm regretting posting that pic......  Oh well.  What's a blog if you're not being honest, right?  ;)

2 Bold Steps toward progress

1) A decision to quit with the sabotaging guilt

2) Starting simple with water

Medical issues aside, I've absolutely sabotaged myself with thoughts of:

"Oh well, one more night of ice cream isn't going to matter now."
"I'm never gonna be 'that girl" I wanna be anyway, so..."
"You're fat.  You will always be fat.  You're kidding yourself with these so-called efforts."

Brutal.  On a daily basis.  Seriously.

So, whenever I slip up, and I do and will continue to do so, I'm making a very conscious decision not to let every little slip become a landslide.  I mean, because I sneak a donut that someone brought into the office at breakfast time means I sandbag the whole day??  Not anymore.  I've actually been successful at that for four days now and it feels REALLY good.

The other step is I've recommitted to sincere tracking efforts with simply starting with ensuring I get my water in by the end of every day.  That's really all I have to concentrate on.  That has worked for three whole days.

The show streak of success sounds trivial, but it's good enough for me right now.  It's building confidence because I feel good doing it and it feels like something I can perpetuate without feeling I have to alter my whole life to accomplish it.

I DID feel guilty for not getting my Saturday run in, as my partner did, but I let go of it and accepted it.  Sunday I woke up and realized the vague soreness under my right knee camp was not going away, and was, in fact, worse.  After reading about it, I've self-diagnosed my ailment as "Runner's Knee."  At first I was elated that I still suffer from running-type injuries because it must mean I'm running! HA!  Quickly, I recognized a small panic building in my but because 1) if I can't run, will I lose my partner again (PTSD, apparently), 2) if I can't run, I won't lose weight (AAARRRGGGHHH!), 3) I'll lose what little endurance I've built again.  I decided to R-I-C-E and call Sunday a wash as well...  Then I got stir crazy.  Decided to take Vi and the dog for a 1.25-mile walk.  Then I decided to try that same 1.25-mile route with just the dog and run her.  Then I mused to myself, "Runner's knee...hmph!"  Simultaneously I realized I was cold and should go home and try the 'mill out for the first solid time.

My knee was still feeling okay and I got 2.0 more miles in!  I was so excited to look at my Fitbit to see just how close I must be to my 10,000 step daily goal only to realize it wasn't working! *insert expletive*

Today, I didn't really feel like it, but getting dressed to take Vi to school I donned some running clothes to take advantage of this near-50 degree weather and to not let my partner down in case she was out as well.  I decided to truly commit to a cross-training type day and set out to walk 2 miles.  I was making such good time, I pushed it to 3 instead!

Not to bad, I thought!

The lake like a mirror to the sky

AND as of 4:00 this afternoon, I've consumed 72-ounces of water. It's inspired me to try and consume only "healthy" foods, too!  So far, only 14 WW points, as well as 5 servings of vegetables! I wasn't really tracking before, but I KNOW this is a far improvement over what I had been consuming!  I even planned it that I can have dinner tonight at Panera with friends and not derail today's efforts!

Pictures don't lie

I don't even know where to start.

My brain has been kind to me these last several months, as it's turned a blind (figuratively not literally this time) eye to my reflection in the mirror.  My mind's eye sees some flab, a spare tire, and is aware I'm "heavy set," but morphs my reflection into something I apparently accepted.  Thank you mind's eye...kinda.

Last night, while at my monthly Bunco tournament, the group of us took a photo donning our versions of Christmas characters.  Oh.  My.  God.  I can't stop staring at it!  I didn't know it had gotten that bad!

Tiny Tim is not-so-tiny.  

I'm just *shaking my head*.  I can't wrap my head around it.  Good. God.  And all I want to do right now is shove chocolate chip cookies in my face.  

I'd like to say it's my breaking point, my rock bottom.  It kind of feels like it, so I'll hope to use that fear as the drive to be serious about my efforts.  Although, today was a nice day and I didn't run... I did have a full day of being out and about with Vi, though.  And we didn't snack while out like I normally would indulge while shopping.  I guess that's a start.  

3, 2, 1...out!

Man! I got a cold bug from my daughter, who of course bounced back after 24 hours, while it's sticking with me for 72 hours...  AND it transitioned into issues with my spine so I can barely walk.  The achy-ness is paralyzing!  I haven't been able to run since Friday...

BUT, when I'm awake, I've been researching which training program to follow for May's Half Marathon, reading others' blogs, and otherwise looking for inspiration and a way to at least keep my brain on track while mentally encouraging my body to catch up.  I'm trying to stay committed to tracking my food daily...why is it so hard now?  I'm telling you, exactly one year from now, you couldn't stop me from tracking or working out.  This year, every little effort feels pointless and tedious.  Anyone vacillate, so? How do you pull yourself out of that downward spiral?

Luckily, my friend over at Finding Her Happy Pace, suggested people list their blogs and sites for information and resources.  I've said time and time again: if only research/reading burned as many calories as actually DOING it! HAHAHA!

MFP & WW APPS

Constant dieters will recognize this as code for the phone applications My Fitness Pal and Weight Watchers.

I've recently joined a group committed to tracking food.  I know this is a major challenge for me, and a large part of what is sabotaging me.  After committing to the group, I realized...I'm AFRAID! The fear is actually paralyzing me! I find myself closet eating so I don't have to feel bad for the tracking I'm not doing anyway!  This is a true illness...

So the question is which app?  I had success on MFP before, and it's already linked to my other activity apps.  The Weight Watcher app is pretty thorough as well, but it costs.  I know there's a "Lose It" app and other such variations.

Do you have a favorite?  What features keep you involved and constant in your efforts?

3 Reasons to Keep at It

1) Me

2) Me

3) Me

...and no, it's not an opera (get it? "Mi mi mi mi miiiiii" ;P).  It's easy for me to get wrapped up in life, the small things that get in the way of me doing what I need to do to improve my conditioning, especially this time of year.

When I don't make time for it, I've noticed I suffer greatly.  My body stiffens.  It takes twice as long to get back to the level I was at two days priors.  I've had to spend a lot of time coming to terms with it and finding the delicate balance between allowing my body the rest it requires, and pushing through to better it.  My walking gait is so off lately due to muscle crippling muscle spasms, that I actually jacked my knee up! Nonetheless, I try to keep at it, at a level I can.

I ran the Detroit Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day, and ran faster than I have in months! Runs like that help keep my spirits up and endure.

If I don't keep moving.  I'll stop, simple as that.  I live in a stupid house with four staircases and I can't NOT walk up/down them.  I have a 4-year-old daughter that loves to run and play.  I can't NOT be right along side her.  I have my Mom-on-a-MILF-Mission to achieve in less than 6 months...  See?  AT LEAST 3 reasons to keep at it.

Care to share yours?

1 new parter + 1 new route = AWE-SOMMME (said in sing-song)

Ok, so it has been even better than I imagined.  My new running partner is awesome in support, understanding, and motivation.  She got me to finally step foot today into Stoney Creek Metropark, despite my fear of the rumored hills there...HA!  She accurately pointed me in the direction that would not be too difficult on me at this point in my conditioning.  Oh my gosh, and it was SO BEAUTIFUL there! I ran alongside the lake, and while it was overcast and grey, it still made for an amazing backdrop.  Ducks were in the water, and we even saw three deer! It's going to make (hopefully) running my butt off on these freezing days more palatable! LOL

I have a zeal for this again that I haven't had in many, many months.  I'm timidly cautious to not overdo it and lose it again.  It's a delicate balance, because I'm desperate to get back to the level of conditioning I was one year ago.  Desperate to not feel this physically uncomfortable...emotionally uncomfortable... Anyway, I'm excited to establish some new goals and re-establish a routine...with some positive support this time! :D

I ran the Kona Chocolate Double on Sunday and it was pretty amazing! I was happy with how I was dressed; not too hot and not too cold.  It was probably the coldest I've ever run in, though! I certainly didn't set any PRs that day (other than coldest run!), but it felt good to lay down that kind of mileage this late in the season...and the chocolate fondue wasn't bad, either! Kona always puts on a well-run (see what I did there?) race with fun swag, good volunteer support, and even some neighborhood supporters along the route.  They facilitate four major runs throughout the year now, I believe, so check any of them out!

This week I also learned that my friend is championing another BikeMS team for next fall!  That's really so cool...even cooler that many of the same participants are planning to join again!  I'd really like to train better this summer so that the ride won't be so painful this time around and I can enjoy the Frankenmuth scenery a little more.  ;)

Ask and ye shall receive!

No, really!

Not to get all churchy on you, but I have to admit I stand by this truth and have witnessed it come to pass first hand!

Okay, so in the most surprising places do we find what we are looking for.  Tonight, while at my monthly Bunco game (YES! It's so much fun: dice, friends, drink, and food?! Come on...!), I found my new running partner.  Seriously!  She is much faster than I, but heart is big and patient, and we are coming up with a plan for both of us.  Like, now! We are going to run Monday! Whaaaat?!  It's kind of scary, as I don't want to disappoint, but it is oh so refreshing to have an actual supportive partner to have accountability, and simultaneously share disappointments and successes since we are at the same point in our training journeys!!

Speaking of training... We. Are. Going. To. Run. A. FULL Marathon...NEXT YEAR!!  I'm putting it out there here, where it will be forever on record and one way or another I will have to answer to it.  I KNOW, RIGHT?!?  This is so cool.  And she is seriously so great; her positive attitude and spirit is infectious and just what I need.  I hope to satisfy some of her requirements as well, so it's got me already super committed to this!  My husband is uber supportive and says, "I've been telling you all along you could and should do this; this is not a surprise to me."  (Trust me, that's him being supportive.  ;))

So.  It's on!  As I stuffed my face with food and drink tonight, I'm telling myself, "Enjoy it.  Your gluttonous phase is coming to a staggering end, and food-for-fuel is about to take over!" :D

How did you train for your first marathon?
How long did you allow for yourself to train?
...did you actually do what you had set out to do (my insecurity already setting in...JEESH! >:|)?

Thank God...

No really, thank Him!  These recent weeks I believe I have witnessed divine intervention.  I have seen  multiple examples of the importance of your spirituality and how it (very positively!) impacts one's life.

I made a commitment to "choose" my mood.  Don't get me wrong, I've legitimately struggled with depression before, so I am not minimizing the difficulty of such things.  But what I'm talking about is the little stuff that would regularly occur in a day, and I would basically be left a bitter, negative hag.  For example, s-l-o-w drivers; I would swear to you they were blocking me on purpose.  Someone pulls into a parking spot in front of me, blocking the aisle in the grocery story, standing too close to me in line (honestly...), pregnancy announcements...  I mean, I realized I have a serious chip on my shoulder! I catch myself CONSTANTLY, an embarrassingly high number of times per day, having to check myself and adjust my attitude.  I'm ashamed at how I made everything about me.  I am putting out there, what I want in return.  People can think it's BS, but I've witnessed it and benefitted from it, so why wouldn't I embrace this and make it my way of life??

For the first time in...YEARS, I have a peace that I will be ok...MORE than ok!  My job security is wavering, my physical state is subpar and I now know that I know that I know, I will be ok.  I think about the 39 years of my life and the scary moments that I survived, that at that moment absolutely consumed my life.  But I've also forgotten most of the details pertaining to those events, and likely missed out on a bunch of other cool stuff going on around me (my niece and nephews, sisters, friends...EVERYTHING).

That being said, I also now accept the work I am responsible for putting into it, if I want the results I feel are readily available to me.  THIS takes a LOT of work because it means basically shifting entirely how I think, my knee-jerk reactions to things, ON TOP of doing the actual work (working out, organizing the home, being productive at work, etc.)!  But somehow it all has more purpose, maybe because I acknowledge really every little thing I'm doing is going to make a difference.

One of the main shifts I need to make is not comparing myself to others, either in pace, socio-economic status, popularity, etc.  This, as it turns out, is really difficult...most likely because I'm insecure, but I'm working on it...DAILY, so I anticipate great results.

I got in 5 hard miles on the treadmill this morning.  I'm anticipating my Chocolate Double 10K & 5K this Sunday and already worried about the people I know that will be participating or checking my time and judging.  It's seriously ridiculous.  I could name 5 times as many more people that would be sitting at home doing nothing, but my achievement doesn't matter in those situations...JEESH! I re-wrote this section 4 times because I tried to find a nicer way to put it, without admitting how ridiculous I am, and it doesn't shake out, so there you have it.  I'm practicing running my own race and not being effected by others' views.  I mean, I will have run 9 (.3!) miles that day.  Either way you look at it, I think that's kinda cool.

So, I thank God that I have been shown these things and am grateful for the confidence in knowing I WILL accomplish what I want now! Whew! :D

Are Virtual Partners...real??

I've really struggled this year being consistent in my workouts, in part, because I don't have the accountability of a workout partner anymore.  I enjoyed the "misery loves company" understanding when showing up after a 12-hour work day, and someone else "gets" my pain.  Quite simply, as it turns out, I still lack the self discipline it takes to get out there and keep doing it.

So, it begs the question: do virtual partners really work??

Is there anyone that has a virtual partner, someone you connect with every day for accountability, inspiration...a good ol' kick in the a$$? Is this enough? As good as having the "real deal"??  Last year, my besties created this website for the four of us to connect, add our training, upcoming races, etc., all for our Color Run endgame.  I really really didn't want to be the slow fat chic (as I would have been, just sayin') and I really got into this forum.  Heck, I even logged in more than they did!  However, at the beginning knowing I would have them to whom I would be accountable, really made me put in the work when I really really didn't want to do it.  ...In that case, it really did work.  ;)

If you've none of these things...how do you do it??  What do you keep in front of you to get up early, come home late, or miss out on something to make sure you get that work out in?

My gym membership officially terminates 12/03/14.  I have a new-to-me treadmill at home now.  Have you decided which forum works best for you? Gym? Home gym?  I'm really super bad (said in my 4-year-old's pleading voice, new fav phrase) hoping my discipline will increase if the damn thing's right down stairs...really SUPER bad...

Deep Thoughts...

Not really, more like a menagerie of random thoughts or observations and it was difficult to title this entry due to the lack of focus.  ;)

• I had such a cool streak going a couple weeks ago, having run 8 out of 9 days in a row! It felt pretty good, too, and didn't seem to be a negative drain on my schedule either.  Then...I ended up with 8 days in a row off.  Are you able to keep a consistent schedule?? My running IS so important to me, yet life so easily gets in the way and pushes that goal to the side... Ugh.  Kind of discouraging.  

• BUT, I'm just re-focusing and doing what I can.  SO, after dropping Vi off to school I headed to that gym again and hit the 'mill.  I didn't commit to a workout...I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it.  I just winged it.  Secretly, I wanted to get in a "long run" of 6 miles.  My Kona Chocolate Double is November 16th, and I need a couple longer runs in if I want to get through the 10K and 5K!  I walked one mile then just decided to hop into a trot and kept running...for 5.5 miles! :D  I got in my 6 miles and felt AMAZING.  I did notice I finally felt like it wasn't such a battle between my brain and body about 50 minutes into it... I hope I can shorten that time-frame SOON! 

• I was motivated to get in some moving today, too, due to a challenge posed by Heather over at Finding Her Happy Pace.  She created MOVEmber, an opportunity to move your body, thoughts, and habits into a positive direction.  I like this idea a lot and feel the community aspect of it provides a social support I'm lacking.  Without a workout partner anymore, accountability is zero, so this forum really helps!  I am more conscious of my commitment to move or creating more positive habits.
• As I was running at the gym, I noticed the TV attached to the treadmill, and when it's not on it really reflects the image in front of it.  In this case, from my shoulders to my love handles.  What I saw was NOT pretty.  I saw that as I was feeling early on in my run this particular bra isn't cutting it for running, I could also see this bra wasn't cutting it...yikes. I was so focused on "just keep running," though, I couldn't even spend the energy on it to feel silly.  I just kept going.  But then I decided it was a great opportunity to really see my running form.  Watching my stride and arm movement got me in the zone and stayed there.  I really think being able to see how I was doing kept me wanting more!  Anyway, it was kind of a fun science experiment.  
• My "fall goal," which is the Kona race is 2 weeks away.  I chose this late-fall race to keep me focused and running.  Last year after my September Half, I stopped and never really got my mojo back.  I really want to keep running through the winter this time, and....dare I say it?  Run the Bay Shore Half in May!  How can I keep focused with basically 5 months of no accountability (like a race)??  How do YOU keep going in those winter months?  Also, my gym membership is ending December 3, so that may interfere...or make it easier for me!  I now have a treadmill here and a bunch of free weights, which is basically all I used at the gym.  Maybe since it's here I'll do MORE!  *odd doubt feeling in back of my mind*
• ......Hmmmm.....I wish there were a local running group I could join.  I think being near other runners again would help.  I don't know...
• My pace was so slow today (12:30-12:45)...I wonder if I'll ever get my speed back?  Is this it?  Is it enough?? *sigh*

Well, not so "deep," but I had a ton of thoughts today while running and had to share.  I DO also have a goal of keeping things positive.  For example, while it bums me out I don't have a running partner anymore, I'm thankful I can still run.  I'm hopeful for the doors it will open.  Keeping this approach on my heart really helps my attitude and is a positive side effect of my MOVEmber commitment.  :)

Best 5 out of 6

I think I finally hit my wall.  I MUST have.  BECAUSE for the last 5 out of 6 days, I have run.

"And I was running!"  Anyone?

Friday I hit the 'mill while my daughter was in preschool.  Saturday I got up and did fartleks (I KNOW,  RIGHT?!) with my dog (she loved them.  I guess a Husky would).  Sunday I took a day off (even God rested on Sunday).  Monday hit the 'mill again while my daughter was in preschool.  Tuesday...now get this: after my 12-1/2 hour work day, I went the to the gym and ran on the 'mill! The real shocker is that Wednesday I did the SAME!!  AND did I mention strict tracking the whole week?? WHEW!

I'm elated.  Even better, I don't feel that it was too much of a lifestyle shift to make this happen.  I mean, I did this all last year.  Something just clicked in me that I had to get going and keep going.

One of my BFF's little 9-year-old girl is my "friend" on our Fitbit page.  Would you believe she kicks my butt in daily steps...well, daily?!  She created a "challenge" with a bunch of her friends so we all joined and could see where each other fell instantly.  It was FUN!  I was in third until some stinker snuck in in the last 4 minutes and pushed me into fourth.  But that little challenge pushed me to go to the gym even more!  So today, I created one with my sister.  She's pregnant and beat me during my work day...so you guessed it: had to hit the 'mill and conquer! LOL!

I have my goals...not clearly defined just yet, but I know they're there now and that I want something out of them.  There will be more on that sooner than later.

Tomorrow I go for my referral for the opthamalogist to see about that poor vision issue in my left eye.    Good thing you don't need your eye for running...!

Square one...or not

I really like this message...I just wish I believed it.  The other day, I saw in front of the gym for 20 minutes, in the car, unable to go inside.  I was texting my sister who offered me some nice bits of wisdom that I will need to continue to reflect on to keep going:

• You are not starting over, just picking up where you left off
• Don't be afraid to pick up again, it's a chance to rebuild what you want
• You HAVE done this before, so you know it CAN be done again, even if it feels too hard
• Just start with 15 minutes.  No matter what, that's more than what could have happened sitting on the couch
• 15 minutes from now, you can either feel proud of yourself, or lazy and disappointed

WOW.  That was pretty powerful.  So, I dragged my butt in, allowing myself 15 minutes then figuring everything after was a bonus.  I started on the treadmill and did intervals for ... get this ... 60 minutes!!  It goes without saying that of course I felt awesome and was grateful for having done it.  The next day, I got up and did 35 minutes of intervals around my neighborhood.  TODAY, I went to the gym again and stayed on the 'mill for 60 minutes, doing fast intervals and of course felt awesome.  

SO, I feel like I'm back at it.  I've beat myself up pretty good physically, allowing myself to gain weight unhealthily like that and get out of shape, decreasing my conditioning by what feels like 100%.  THEN I beat myself up pretty good mentally, which has been the major barrier in the way of me being "back at it" much sooner.  Interesting, of the blogs I follow, it seems many are suffering from this right now, for reasons unknown, and fear getting back to it.  I like redirecting my thinking from being at "square one," to simply returning to my journey.  I've noticed that I lack goals, which is severely impacting my drive (or lack thereof), so I've begun thinking seriously about what I want next...or in general.  It's so scary, because it makes it real.  But, I've also learned I need it go be "real" to make anything happen. More on that later...

My mental state has embarrassingly effected my thinking with respect to other non-running related to things.  I think not running/working out left all that negative energy stuck in me and boiled up to my brain.  That's bad.  Very bad.  That said, look for more positive things coming from me...I really don't like behaving that way.

While running, I had all of this stuff I wanted to say, and couldn't wait to get to sit and write it out... Of course, writer's block.  ;) I guess this is just a part of my journey as well. =D

BikeMS Frankenmuth

What. A.WEEKEND!

Camping, friends, carriage rides...and of course biking!

My friend organized a team of 6 riders to form "Team Amy" and fundraise for the National MS Society.  We chose the 60-mile weekend, which meant riding 30 miles on Saturday and 30 miles on Sunday through a beautiful route plotted through and around Frankenmuth.

It was so beautiful! It's taken me awhile to get this entry together, hoping I'd find the words to adequately express what I was feeling.  All I came up with was adjectives to reflect my physical sensations, and all mostly about my butt, quite frankly:

Ow
Sore
Pain
Ow

I also had the expected endorphin rush of completing such a task, and even after 30 miles, somehow I wasn't as physically spend as running just 13.1.  Hmmm....

I still don't have the words for the emotions I experienced.  Look at all these people who have spent their time, energy, and effort to help those they love.  And my friend Ann lead the way...unbelievable.  No one else in my life really acknowledges it, and hear she is organizing a team, fundraising and riding 30 miles while 6-months pregnant.  It was overwhelming! To say I was experiencing gratitude, love, support...is a huge understatement...unfortunately brain fog prevents me from finding it.  ;P

On Sunday, I rode alone.  I decided if I was still feeling physically up to riding that day, I was going to tackle the 50-mile route that day...you never know: I might not be able to next year! =D  I figured, I can at least do the 30 miles, as that's what I committed to, and if I'm not feeling it, the SAG vehicle will bring me in.  Guess what:  I did it!!  And I felt amazing!! I mean, I had to literally had to be peeled off my bike at the end, but I did it!  Vivian was there to meet me and almost got ran over as she tackled me, welcoming to the Finish Line, and Dan gave me my medal.  *shaking my head*  I cannot tell you how this moment felt.  Everyone who participated in this will forever hold a special place in my heart.  That's all I can say... Thank you. xo

Team Amy

Ann and the beautiful scenery

Vi bringing me in to the Finish Line

Carriage ride...since after riding 30 miles I needed it! LOL!

My 2nd Annual Detroit Women's Half Marathon & 5K Race Review!

You know, these races really are a weekend event!  So, this is a long one, but I think worth it!

First:  The Expo

The Expotique held at Cobo Hall was a fantastic venue.  This race has a unique secondary gain that other races just don't have:  the support, encouragement, and strength that is gathered among these participants, vendors, and organizers is insurmountable.  I cannot say enough about this race: I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT!  There were so many amazing vendors, so in the interest of time...and well, interest, I'll narrow it to just a couple of my favs!

I got to meet in person Heather Durocher of Michigan Runner Girl, who also wrote the amazing article of me for Another Mother Runner a couple of months ago!  She's a sweet, genuine woman who shares her passion of running and basically any activity this great state of Michigan has to offer.  It was such a pleasure to meet her and am looking forward to "running" into her again!  

It was pretty fun for me as I perused the many vendors and saw so many faces I recognized, and I wondered, "How do I think I know all these people?"  It's simply from following their blogs!  Another fan-fav of mine, is Heather Quinlan of Finding Her Happy Pace! It was so exciting to get to meet her in person as well.  I only found her page a couple of months ago, but so much of her personal story and message resonates with me, that I feel we've been training together forever! LOL! That's my sister and I with Heather in the third picture down in the left column.  Thank you Heather, as I "borrowed" this from your page!  You should visit her page often, as her journey is authentic and inspirational!

<----We painted a picture with the assistance of Paint and Pour! Here's my sister, Audrey-Jo, as we're creating our Women Run the D masterpiece!  

----> Here's what it is supposed to look like.  I'll spare you how mine turned out.  Let's just say painting apparently isn't my forte'...but it was so much fun and a unique piece of swag!

Fellow Flowers is another popular vendor, as their message is so strong; that clarity of purpose is our strongest power and creating a clear and true path to self-realization.  BEAUTIFUL! Here's one of my favs (that I have yet to purchase!!):  

If you've been following me at all, you know that they must've written this just for me.  It still brings tears to my eyes and creates a fire in belly!

Race Day:

We set our alarms for 5:00 a.m., in time to wake up and hear it DOWN-POURING.  I've never run in such rain and was curious to see what it would be like (besides sucking.  I've read others say what a "cleansing" act it was...I just don't know about that).  Audrey-Jo and her two boys stayed the night to caravan with us to Belle Isle, as she's pushing them in her double-stroller in the 5K (side note:  she hasn't formally completed a 5K since April! She's nervous about this...I know she's a Rock Star and will finish awesome).  My Aunt Vicki also stayed with us as she's partnering with me in the Half, her first ever!  We take off in the rain at 6:00, still dark, a balmy 64 degrees.  Luckily, traffic is in our favor and we arrive on time.  The parking was slightly confusing, but plentiful and accommodating.  I  would be remiss if I didn't mention this, although it pains me to have to have to acknowledge any negative about this event.  But, there were not as many port-a-johns at the Start/Finish lines this year, and the lines were painfully long.  They were strategically placed along the route, though, which was MUCH appreciated!  There were a few vendors out that morning, but I was too excited to browse.  There seemed to be one strong down-pour while waiting, then the skies cleared for a beautiful backdrop to our races just in time!  The wind, however, sucked.  I have no other glamorous way to put it:  that whole island, and it was seemingly in your face the whole time! Dang it!

The 1/2 started in waves this year, and because of my lack of training and conditioning, I knew I belonged in the last wave, 3.  I was easily in the zone, and just excited for our horn to sound.  My aunt likes the strategy of running one mile, then walking for 1 minute.  We did that and for 6 miles, I felt really strong.  There were aid stations right when I needed them, offering water, Heed, and gels.  After that, I was feeling the tired setting in. We walked a little longer, slowed our pace, and plugged along.  I kept encouraging her to go ahead, since she just finished the 10-Mile Crim a month ago under 2 hours, she could have rocked this race!  She insisted we made a pact, and stayed with me.  Somewhere along mile 10 I had to stop and stretch.  This is something I never had to do mid-race before! Whaaat?! I was embarrassed.  I laughed so I wouldn't cry.  My mental game was winning.  "You are done.  Nice try.  You can't even see out of one eye, what did you expect would happen? "  I just wanted my aunt to go on, I was so embarrassed.  But she stayed.  Never wavered, and never made me feel I was holding her back.  I thought, "Well, if she's that committed to me, I can commit to at least finishing."  We were hovering so long around being able to get in under 3 hours, that idea was tempting to get my butt in gear.  As we took off again, my left arm was cramping up; also embarrassing as that is a visible sign of this disease that I can otherwise hide.  

I saw Dan and Vivian at least 4 times on the route, which kept me going.  I wanted Vi to see me, see me moving, and see me finishing.  At every pass I saw her, she ran right up to me and through herself on me, forcing me to carry her a couple steps.  She was infusing energy into me and didn't even know it! The last loop I saw them before the finish, she insisted, "Mommy!  I want to run with you!" and ran along side me for probably 40 feet before Dan snatched her up so my aunt and I could continue.  What an amazing 4-year-old!!  

At just before mile 13, as I was telling my aunt I can't do it, I saw my friends, Ann and DeeDee holding signs of encouragement.  I can't remember what they said right now, but I know it made me want to push.  Through tears I called them names for surprising me for being there, and tried to go stronger.  DeeDee, six months-ish pregnant, comes running along side of me for a stretch.  I couldn't even get my laugh out as she was strolling along, easily, with a baby in her belly, alongside me who was struggling to walk normal.  My aunt said, "There's the Finish Line!" and grabbed my hand...I think literally dragging me that last quarter-mile, across the Finish Line at 02:59:36.  We did it.  Under 3 hours....WE DID IT!!! OH MY GOD!!!  

I honestly felt delirious for a little while.  I was trying not to give in to my spasming muscles, trying to internalize the accomplishment I was supposed to be feeling, but still kind of scared at what I was experiencing.  Last year, finishing in 2:38:12, I recall telling Dan I felt I could do it again.  I felt euphoric!  I was waiting for those sensations again...and as my loved ones gathered around me to support me and congratulate me, I finally felt it settling in.  I was dizzy from it...or that I still couldn't see out of my left eye...but began to feel amazing.  Like the "Wonder Woman" my daughter thinks I am.  THAT will carry me through the physical pain, the recovery, and spark the desire to continue to efforts.  

So thank you to Epic Races for another fantastic race, seamlessly executed, and inspiring us to live to our potential.  I'll definitely see you next year!

Thank you, Aunt Vicki, for committing to our pact, me, and getting us across that Finish Line!  Sharing this experience with you was one I haven't shared with anyone else.  

Thank you, Audrey-Jo for believing in yourself enough to try this event.  YOU were a Wonder Woman this weekend!  No training, pushing a double-stroller, by yourself...and leaving with a desire for more!!  I'm excited to share the next part of our journey together.

Ann and DeeDee: ..."thank you" seems lame compared to what you both went through to come and cheer me on, support me, and help me accomplish this goal.  You are my oldest and dearest friends...and continue to show me why.  I love you both!

Dan.  I can't write anything without crying.  I don't even think you read this blog, but I would like for you to know that I acknowledge none of this would happen without you.  You are the backbone to this effort, encouraging me, checking my attitude when I insist I can't do it, driving me, showing our daughter what it is like to have a goal and meet it, and believing in me...endlessly.  I love you...more.

Vivian, YOU ROCK!  As much as I am YOUR biggest fan, I feel your admiration and desire to do the same things.  It's in large part because of you that I will continue to push and model that you should always at least TRY to do something...even if it's not pretty or the best.  Look how cool it is when you at least try.  :)   I love you and thank you for continuing to inspire and motivate me.

Aunt Vicki, me, Audrey-Jo

I earned this bling! 

Aaarrrghhh, matey!

No, it's not a Pirate-themed race.  It was either that title or something about being grateful, but I decided on this one because I think it's more funny.

It's helping me to stay light-hearted and not be overwhelmed, as Wednesday morning I woke up and seemed to have lost vision in my left eye.  Man, I was really struggling with my running before, now THIS...  It's taken a few days to get (mostly) beyond the equilibrium issue, so I'm feeling a little better with that.  The dizziness makes me stomach upset, so I haven't been wanting to eat as much...a plus for me.

I had on the schedule this Sunday (the 14th), the Run for the Wild race at the Detroit Zoo as my pre-race practice run for the 21st's Detroit Women's Half Marathon & 5K.  I was REALLY down, thinking I shouldn't do it at all.  Then I flirted with just doing the 5K and not the 10K I had planned on (per training schedule).  But once we got there, among everyone with their race bibs, the beautifully sunny morning...I couldn't resist.  I registered for the 10K.  I've done this race for 3 years now and generally really like it.  It winds through beautiful neighborhoods, briefly intersects with the golf course, and isn't just a straight out and back.  I would say, through no fault of the Zoo's planning, one may consider their trail running shoes!  I was shocked at the poor shape the roads were in!

Anyway, I expected it to be a painful hour and a half.  The first mile proved right.  My breathing was labored, I couldn't get comfortable, find my rhythm, then almost crippling shin pain!  I haven't experienced that in over a year! They had a water station at Mile 1, and I was so grateful.  I walked through it, enjoyed my whole cup.  I trotted off and tried to shake out the cobwebs, so to speak.  I mean, I was running 13-13:30 minute miles, come on!  A chic was edging up my left, not fast, but faster than I was going.  I started to pick up my pace for a minute and as we connected side-by-side, I paced her for a few, and it felt AWESOME.  I don't know what it was, but that got me focused and I dug deep.  I was able to find my groove immediately.  I was still fighting the urge to fall forward because of no sight in my left eye (it's so weird, you should try it), but I was running (said in best Forest impression)!! I was able to immediately shave one whole minute off my pace/mile, and KEPT it the whole race.  I only finished 8 minutes slower than I did last year, which for me, is almost impossible.  I needed this in a bad way.  I mean, did I mention I'm doing a Half Marathon next Sunday!? :D  I finally have a seed of confidence now.  I'm not looking for time, AT ALL.  I'm legitimately looking to finish.  MS really took me out of the scene this year, and I'm not letting it remove me completely.

That being said...it DID take a lot out of me today, and for some reason I continue to be surprised at how completely drained I can feel.  So, it's a laid back easy night of watching football for me.  A great ending to a great day!  :)

Efforts of a Mustard Seed

This has been brewing for some time...a difficult entry.

Let me just tell you that I've had to work really hard on coping with my sadness and sense of grief and loss regarding my husband and I not being able to have a child together. This last year has been ugly and grueling.  I've lost friendships over my behavior, spewing hurtful things because of the blackness inside.  I backed away from relationships with others that did get pregnant or had new babies near me.  My intimate relationship with my husband suffered, because I thought, "Why bother?"  To say it's been bad is an understatement.   But in the meantime, I suppose it's not surprising, that coupled with the flare-ups of MS symptoms over the winter and spring, my depression increased.   I sought help and guidance through therapy, which has been insurmountable in getting me beyond all of this nastiness.  Currently, I feel like I've come out on the other side of a dark storm, having barely survived, the debris of my efforts scattered.  Relationships seem to still be tender, as people are unsure of my state...given my previous behaviors, I don't blame them.  But, I can look at babies and not fantasize about running off with them, not want to die, and can stay in a grocery line without having to leave my full basket crying.  (God, as I write this, it is still difficult for me to accept I was so bad!) This late spring summer, I learned my sister, cousin, and two best friends are pregnant, all due around the same time...and I didn't lose it and am legitimately happy for them!  Honestly!  I really feel I've come to terms with our situation and am coping much better.  Sure, I'm still sad, we both are.  But I'm also grateful for what I do have.

Just one more thing...(said in Colombo style.  May have some audience members too young to remember him, so just Google it.  It's funny, I swear.).  People that are very close to us, and know exactly what we've been through, know that we had three failed medicated (daily injections, artificial insemination, blah, blah, blah) fertility treatments, on top of all the other testing, blood draws, transvaginal ultrasounds you go through.  We prayed.  We BELIEVED.  People were praying for us.  I lost 42 lbs to get in a better weight range to promote conception.  I stopped drinking (which was literally a couple glasses of red wine/week, not a lot, but something I consciously cut out to optimize my chances, is the point).  The last round, in June, 2013, I was CONVINCED the procedure had taken.  I just knew, within the depths of my heart, that the cramping I was experiencing was implantation (I'll remind you I was pregnant before, so know what it's like).  I just knew, that the spotting occurring was part of implantation.  When I actually started my period, I lost it, fearing I was having a miscarriage.  I never let in the notion that this was just my period coming, as scheduled, per normal.  Maybe my desperation had to do with knowing we couldn't afford any more treatments, so this was it for medical assistance and intervention.  I don't know what it was back then, but thinking back...it's just that's what I believed, with every thread of my being, that it had worked and I was pregnant.  I had told my husband so.  I told friends and family so.  I BELIEVED.  Hopefully with this part of the story, it helps you understand why I "lost it" soon after.  

The thing that has been bothering me lately is recently overhearing someone who is aware of our story say, "Well, all it takes is the faith of a mustard seed."  ......um, what?  I did, I DO have the faith of a mustard seed.  Is it the suggestion then, that because we did not get pregnant, that it was my lack of faith?  It seems like it, huh?  ...and I'm unbelievably hurt...and angry...and sad... I'm not one that subscribes to the philosophy of, "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be," or, "God has a different plan for us."  That's not the way I was raised.  I was taught the scriptures of Matthew, where it states, "Ask, and ye shall receive, " and "If you believe, you shall receive."  Not to get all churchy on you, I'm just saying, I know what I'm talking about and when I say these words, "I BELIEVE!" I know all that that means.  Wow.  I'm having some difficulty getting beyond that: is it really my fault then??  Was there a sprinkle of doubt in the back of my head that sabotaged our efforts?? 

Maybe because I'm not crazy anymore, I'm getting the itch to pursue assistance again and determine the probability of us getting pregnant.  I'm wondering if it's a second chance to prove I have the faith of a mustard seed, or not to bother, because I clearly don't.  What I also remembered on a long run (clarity during a long run - do figure! :P) was that my drive last summer in training for the Half was because of this: because I was so convinced the last treatment worked, I remember for a brief second being disappointed that I wouldn't be able to run the Inaugural Detroit Women's Half Marathon.  So when it didn't work, I figured I jinxed myself (I don't even believe in jinxes, so that gives an indication of where my head was already), and owed it to the baby I couldn't have, to train for it and conquer it.  I rarely gave up last summer.  This summer, every excuse that comes my way, I take.  I'm nowhere near where I should be, could be, and want to be.  

I'm trying to reconcile harnessing the motivation I had last year, without the life-altering loss, as well as wrapping my head around mustard seeds and next efforts.  

Labor Day...labor!

Well, not in THAT sense of labor, buuuuut...

Let me explain:  For 4 years now, we have gone to Mackinaw to walk The Mighty Mac, the 5-mile long suspension bridge connecting the Lower Penninsula to the Upper Penninsula (for you out-of-staters ;)).  For the first 2 years, Vivian was in her stroller, safely locked in.  Last year, I'm not even going to lie:  I bought a leash to use with her because she was a runner and I couldn't rest without trying to put in some safety measures.  Luckily for us (her??), it was just too dang cold and rainy that morning to drag a potty-training 3-year-old across that bridge, so we sadly resigned to not going.  THIS year was a different story.  She's potty-trained, has several 5Ks under her belt, listens to us better (thank GOD); a good combination for a great morning walk.  Would you believe she chickened out early on?  Here's our "labor:"

...for nearly the whole 5 miles.  She's lucky she's so cute.  I can see why some parents in the animal kingdom eat their young... (clearly just kidding).

Amazing views, though:

 (YES! That's the water waaaay down there!)

I don't know why that bridge (it's beauty not even captured in the far background there), is just so beautiful to observe, but it is.  Never gets old.  

I'd like to say I got in some runs...and I COULD get the words out, buuuuut...I didn't actually DO the runs.  My Half Marathon is 18 days away...yikes.  BUT!  We did go on some pretty great hikes through the Headlands, where there's a designated International Dark Sky site!

Vivian chatting it up with friend, Aiden

Vi exploring the shores of Lake Michigan

So, we had a fantastic weekend with great friends.  Plenty of activity, but no runs...and I'm okay with that.  I hiked a 65+ pound, 4-ft tall (yes, you read that right) 4-year-old, 5 miles across a bridge.  We'll call that strength training.  ;)

Pie irons, banana boats, and s'mores...oh my!

More camping this weekend! This time we spent the weekend with my parents, one of my sisters and her family, one of my cousins and her family, and even a visit from one of my other sisters with her family!  It's an annual trip to attend the Black Iron Days at Hartwick Pines State Park in Grayling, MI.  We've been going for about 29 years we figured... My family used to play music as part of the event; hammered dulcimers, autoharps, guitars, banjos, stand-up bass, etc...  That's another story for another time, though...

It's hard to eat healthy while camping, I think.  The desserts kill me! HA! I seriously indulged in all of the above and loved every single bite of it!  I DID get out for a run, though.  This summer has really spoiled us runners with pretty decent weather.  But this weekend, the humidity was nearly unbearable.  I haven't had to run in such weather since last year, and was not really conditioned for it. I only got in just short of 4 miles.  I'm not sure if that's really going to work off banana boats, s'mores, and junk food, but I'm proud I got something in.  

The trails are definitely worth the effort to get up and travel them!

So that was my weekend, in a nutshell.  How terrified was I to realize my Detroit Women's Half (DWH) is in just 4 short weeks!  So far this year, my longest run has only been 6 miles.  But since getting some new treatment, I've been able to be more consistent running, and am praying and believing I'll be able to safely increase my mileage (definitely not speed this year), enough to finish this race strong.  I learned my aunt just smoked the Crim this weekend, coming in under 2 hours, which was her goal!  Since we made a pact to run together during our DWH, I want to be able to run strong and solid so it's an enjoyable race for her, too!  = more motivation! :)

I have a 5 mile long run scheduled today, and am excited to see how it goes!!

"I Run This Body"

I'd like to dedicate this post to Dorothy Beals, of MilePosts, and her motto: "I Run This Body."  (She even has awesome merchandise!)  Find her at www.mile-posts.com and @MilePosts on Twitter.

I've always admired her signature saying, but didn't "get it" until last night.  I headed out for what I had already categorized as a "slow run."  I felt the nagging presence of my back pain, reminding me it is still there, I was aware of my labored breathing and awkward gait, and noticed the twinge of irritation in my shins beginning, as if to say, "We're next to start bothering you!"

I didn't have my head phones in, and was just holding my phone in my hand with RunKeeper actives and playing my "Running" Playlist softly.  The first mile I fought my desire to quit, chalking it up to, "Oh well, this is all you're going to be able to do now."  But I had an odd sense of energy that kept propelling me anyway.  As I rounded the lap in my neighborhood (1.25 miles), I shrugged and decided, "Ok, let's try another lap."  During that lap, I quit focusing on myself and worked through the issues of the day, clearing my mind.  Maybe it was freeing the garbage out of my head that lightened me, because I decided I could do one more lap!  Then, I noticed something amazing:  I found myself in sync.  My brain and my body were finally connected and we were flying (my new flying, anyway)!  It felt amazing!  I felt like I was hovering above ground as I ran that last mile.  It reminded me of last year's training, where I was feeling good and keeping up such a pace.  I ended up running 1:40 faster that last mile!  It was than that I realized:  MS is not running my body.  I AM!  I bet it in this battle round, because I am the one running it.  I've not felt this empowered in...I can't even remember.

So, today, I have a new perspective on my life and on my training.  I am reminded again that I do not have to fall "victim" to whatever nonsense is plaguing me (symptoms, work quotas, life's drama...).  I. Run. This. Body!  I do.  Nothing else but me.  So thank you, Dorothy, for helping me to understand and embrace this.  This is a gift I can only hope to be able to repay someday!

Look her up and follow her adventures in training and family!  She's a true inspiration!

Motivation Monday

So, I don't really have anything profound to offer up for "Motivation Monday," but I DO have a new-found motivator!

We went camping with my family in Caseville this weekend.  They are what I consider "real" runners.  They're fit, faster than me (not hard to do!), and don't have to schedule a run in the calendar to make it happen, it just does for them.  We decided that a Saturday run needed to happen, as we're all training for something (high school track, The Crim, Detroit Women's Half Marathon).  The guys took off and soon they were out of view.  My aunt stayed back with me.  It was so nice! We ran with no music or technology, and between small gasps of air (what I considered doing good-HA!), had conversation.  The longest she has run was last year's 10-mile Crim in Flint.  Early this year, she said she would run her first half-marathon this fall with me at the Detroit Women's Half.  Due to injury, she was losing confidence and admitted she did not think she would be able to run it.  After our Saturday run together, we found our pace was good for each other, and felt we could both keep it up together for the half!

I was struck with glee from having support, then fear; "Oh no! I really need to make this happen now!" HAHA!  It's just the motivation I need.  I want her first half experience to be positive, and I refuse to be an anchor.  I know you're supposed to make changes for yourself, rather than others.  But in this case, it works for both!

So that's my new motivation: I WILL be able to run and finish the Detroit Women's Half Marathon 9/21/14, and I WILL be able to keep up with my aunt!  I think the best part is, I'm excited again.  Running was getting daunting for me because I was being too competitive with myself.  Now that I can do it for fun and to help ensure my aunt's successful race, it's FUN again!!

What is motivating YOU lately??

Pinocchio hated wires, and so do I

Maybe it's the heat, maybe it's the extra 15 lbs I've put on eating like a runner and not being able to run, buuuut my back's really been giving me trouble.  Spasms make it feel as if I can't move my legs. Thankfully, I've been prescribed a pretty nice TENS unit that I attach and it provides me some pretty decent relief after some time.  I was told by the neurologist that I can wear it while working out.  No. Way.  It seems way too ridiculous to me.  There's four nodes that affix to my back, sending electrical pulses, with four wires trailing out, that attach to the machine that has to attach to my hip blah, blah, blah.  Seriously?  I don't really know who could work out, let alone run, with that thing on.  It made me mad and frustrated though, because I needed it in the first place to get going... I didn't want to do it at all.

But, this is what I've got, right?

So, I wired up for about 40 minutes to stimulate some muscle movement and try to right my mind.  I took off the unit, stretched, and set out for a run.  My nose would be growing if I said it was easy.  It was a slow, stiff run.  But I swear, with every step, I could feel myself loosening up.  My gait was awkward the whole run, but I got it out!  AND I felt great after!  And did I tell you I was on my annual Girl's Camping Trip in Muskegon, MI??  I took a dip in the 58 degree Lake Michigan later that day, and I have to tell you it felt great!

Vacation would have given me a great excuse to skip it...under the guise of "Mission: Relaxation."  But I'm so glad I didn't.  This was as much a mental boost as it was physical, and I really needed both.

Love-Hate intervals

Is there anyone who really loves interval training??  Blech...

I have gotten serious about my Half Marathon training, which I acknowledge needs to include some interval training if I want to at least maintain my time from last year's.  Part of my favorite aspect of running is the whole "losing yourself" thing that happens when out for a run, and I can't seem to achieve that doing intervals/speed work... I think because it really is so much more "work" for me! LOL!

Here's the moral of today's story, though:

I committed to it, I did it, I survived it...and I even feel better for it!  I scheduled out every day from now until 9/21/14 for the Half.  On the schedule last week, I realized I was dreading all week the day I had speed work scheduled.  I committed to 8x400s and was DREADING it.  What I found during each segment, though, was relief I had counted one down, focus to maintain the increased speed (at least less than a 10-minute-mile pace, as that is fast for me), and determination to get through all 8.  I didn't realize I had that in me!  How is running still teaching me things three years later?! I LOVE IT!

Ok, so not that I'm looking forward to this week's interval day, but I know it doesn't have power over me, like I tried to give it last week.

Said in "sing-song:" awe-sommmmme  :D

9 1/2 Weeks

Catchy title, huh?  ;)

Not the psaltry movie, but my remaining training time until my Detroit Women's Half Marathon !!  I don't feel nearly ready...or even on track for that matter. My spine issues really set me back both in physical training, and mental strength.  Fear is setting in..."Can I really do this this year?"  Does this make sense:  I have a strong desire...but little motivation.  How can I have both?? How do you get out of this funk and back to business??

In 10 1/2 weeks, I have a 60-mile BikeMS bike ride, too!  When I agreed to participate in it, (I wasn't having flare ups!) I figured that would be a great cross-training day for my running, biking for my ride! Great theory...not working so much in reality.

Oh, and did I tell you:  I don't have a bike! HAHAHA! (Picture a sinister laugh, because I don't have a hearty one in me right now!)  So today I'm on a mission, continuing to research for bikes (you know that's my second favorite hobby behind running: research!), and planning to purchase one ASAP.  I'm thinking I'd do well with a hybrid bike.  Bear in mind, I'm a runner at heart, so don't prefer to pay $1000 for a bike.  Anyone happy with a happy-medium bike?  A road/commuter style I think would be good for me.  To help get me on schedule, I've even enlisted a friend's help and scheduled a bike ride this weekend.  Of course in the meantime, I'll be actually scheduling my runs, too!

I'll tell you; it's really the oddest sensation inside of me.  My brain and heart really want to go out and run.  My body is telling me, "....are you sure??"  My brain starts second-guessing itself, and another day goes by where I don't get out there.  Is this a funk?? Have you ever experienced anything similar, and what would you suggest to get out of it??

For these next two months, I need to be training, not watching psaltry movies! :P

PT and TC

So, because of my lower back issues, I've been going to PT to learn proper stretching and strengthening exercises.  Since I had such a positive experience at Total Health Systems for my HIIT style FitRanX class, I sought Physical Therapy treatment from there as well.  I'm happy to report another very positive experience! I'm sure I'll always have a low-level back issue, but now I feel confident in working out the tightness in my muscles, as well as strengthening them to help avoid more serious issues.  This back pain has really inhibited my training, which is TOTALLY bumming me out...  AND, I keep eating like a runner (without the benefits of running) and gaining weight! UGH! I'm ready to get back on track, though, and feel physically able to handle it now that I can manage my back pain.  I was recently prescribed a TENS unit to help, and it has immensely!

So, that's the "PT" part of my entry today.  The "TC" section is that I got to go back to Traverse City for the 4th of July weekend! I totally love it up there, and am grateful I have the resource in my sister to frequent there! LOL!  Truth be told, I didn't get in as many runs as I had planned, buuuut...I DID get plenty of walking in as it is Cherry Festival there.  I know there are so many route options there, but stuck to the one introduced to me by Michigan Runner Girl's blog , which is near the ol' state hospital.  SO pretty!  Is it just another excuse to say, "If I had such options around me, I'd find it easy to run every day!"?? Seriously, though; awesome, motivating terrain.  It definitely makes the effort worth it.  Maybe the best part was being able to have my 4-year-old daughter along and actually enjoy it because she found exploring the woods more appealing than running circles around our neighborhood! HA! Can't say I blame her...

Have you had to make a come-back after injury/pain lately?  How did you get back into it?

Any favorite Half-Marathon training programs you prefer after such issues??

Did you get to explore any new holiday runs this last weekend?

3rd Annual Run the Plank

Immanual Lutheran, St. Isidore, and St. Peter collaborate to sponsor a great race and raise funds for local Macomb County charities = A-MAZE-ING!!!

As I've said before, this was the first race I ever ran in 2012.  Last year, I had a big PR, so naturally I was looking forward to accomplishing the same this year! Am I right??

...until I didn't get in nearly the training required to do it.  Spine pain and muscle spasms kept me off the track and on my a$$.

I'm not going to lie here, and I'll preface this with I do feel totally ashamed of my thoughts here:  I knew people were going to beat me that had not beaten me before, and that was almost as painful an idea as not PRing.  BOOOOO!  I know, what a brat.   I had even recruited co-workers to this race, spreading the word about what a well organized and fun even it was (which it totally is, consider it for next year).  I was so stiff that I conceded and told my husband I would just walk it with him and my 4-year-old daughter.  While he was welcoming the company, he supported my trying to run it, reminding me it's about being out there and being mobile, not about beating my time or others'...blah, blah, blah.  In my heart, I knew he was right.  With prayer and medicine on race day, I decided to just run whatever I could, and use it as a launching point for training again.  Long story short, I PRd and was beaten by the people I knew would.  I was only relieved that I had beaten my last year's time so that I could say I met my goal, and inside focused on the fact that I was officially behind now.  Isn't that terrible?! My goodness...

So, there it is.  I'm STILL struggling with focusing on myself and my own journey, and not qualifying it against others', even when I meet my own goals.  Tell me I'm not the only one who does this.  And tell me how long this nonsense lasts in training and some ways to expedite getting over it!  ;P

"Up North" runs

I was lucky enough to be in Traverse City last week and got a couple runs in "up north."  Wow, just wow.  I saw on Michigan Runner Girl's blog a pic of a trail she was on near the old State Hospital, so my niece, nephews, husband, and daughter went on a hunt to find it...what a reward for us!

We actually found this trail, among others, and spent hours running through it.  It was a great time and a great run! 

One thing I was hoping to find on this vacation, was that spot in my soul that appreciates the hard work I put into running and training, and being grateful for it, instead of...constantly comparing myself to others.  I've talked about it here before, so you know it's an ongoing struggle for me.  I wouldn't say I found the spot, buuuut...I'm definitely getting closer... ;)  

One morning I got up to run, got my dog harnessed and leashed up, Garmin sats connected, annnd...the leash snapped, dog ran away, and I had to carry her 55 lbs back 1/2 a mile... I returned SO CRANKY! LOL! I hadn't felt like getting up anyway, and just wanted to sit back with my family, wake up with coffee while staring at the beautiful lake.  Instead, I hopped on my Twitter feed and looked to some of my regulars for motivation, inspiration, and no-excuses to not get back out there (@michrunnergirl, @acurls, @DETwomenshalf, @epicraces, @mileposts, @themotherrunner).  I did it! Ran 4 miles around Wolf Lake in Baldwin, MI, and was back in time for family breakfast cook-out!  It felt really awesome, as I know you can imagine.  It felt like I literally made hurdles that run, too: 1) getting back out there after making a short jaunt and necessary return, 2) fighting with my inner self to stop comparing myself every second and cadence of my run to others, and 3) just looking around, enjoying my scenery and the fact that I'm still able to be out there.  As the weather warms, my propensity for relapses and flare-ups has been increasing, creating barriers to improving my time, which also gets me down...  I have to be happy I am still able to be out there, and this weekend, I was! :)

It's a small world after all

On Wednesday, my running partner and I attended an event at Hanson's Running in Sterling Heights sponsored by Detroit Women's Half Marathon & 5K.  It was informative AND fun, my favorite combination!  Brooks Running, Goal Maker, TriCovery Massage and Flexibility, Douglas J Aveda Institute, and of course the Hanson's Running Team!

My favorite part was getting to meet the people behind the scenes.  First, after receiving the book, Hanson's Half-Marathon Method, I got to meet, talk with, and have a book signing by the author, Luke Humphrey! He was so patient with my newbie questions and uncertainty, all the while supporting my efforts...super cool!  We also learned of their Tuesday Speed Workouts and Wednesday Group Runs that I'm sure will prove to improve our performance!

THEN, I got to meet the ladies behind Epic Races and the Detroit Women's Half Marathon & 5K! Not surprisingly; they're super cool, supportive, friendly and genuine gals.  Super surprisingly however, was learning that I used to work with Race Director, Mary, a lifetime ago! It was fantastic to see her after all the years, and I marveled at the synchronicity, both of us turning to this sport (her finding it much earlier!) and her involvement in such a cool effort.  At the risk of getting that song stuck in your head for days, it truly is, "A small world after allll...!"

As if all this weren't enough, we then did a group run, facilitated by Hanson's Running Shop.  I was impressed that they assessed their participants' goals for the run: distance, pace, familiarity with the area.  I will definitely be participating in some of their Wednesday runs again.  I connected with another cool gal who was here for the first time, and may have another running partner this summer as we begin our training for the Half September, 21!

The evening was a timely boost I needed, and again renewed in my efforts.  I recommend attending any of these events of which you become aware.  It's worth your time and you gain so much from it!

What are some worthwhile events you attended lately or would recommend for future dates??  It's been so exciting meeting our community, and I'm looking forward to more!