*Blink* *Blink*

I'm bummed my posts are becoming bi-monthly! Seriously blink and weeks go by...

A lot has happened in 2 weeks:

You know my niece was born, and I finally got to meet her last Saturday.  What a peanut! I remember her mother being just the same way...so precious! It's easily love at first sight.

My cousin had her baby...baby number 2 of 4 to be born in our family this year!

...or is it?! My OTHER sister just announced she's pregnant, too!  I'm beyond thrilled for her.  This is what she's been wanting for some time now, and she is going to be such an incredible and fun mother.  This is her first, so it's always fun to watch families expand by their first one!  So after my other 2 cousins have their babies later this year, she'll have baby number 5 in October.  Let's see...I have to get knocked up by the end of next month to have baby number 6 in the family this year.... Hmmm... You think that's reason enough to try to get me healthy?  I guess we'll see...

Recent MRI results reveal an increase in white matter (lesions) since the last... So I'm officially on intervention instead of symptom maintenance.  I began my Copaxone injections yesterday.  A nurse came to the home and for an hour went over the process, educated me some more on the disease, and had me do my first injection.  She was very nice and supportive.  Outside of that, let me just say this all sucks.  The medicine is Fed-Ex'd to my home once/month & I store the viles in my refrigerator until it's time to use them.  The injection itself bites just a little, but the slow release of the medicine into my body BURNS.  And 23 hours later I still have a welt and a bruise at the injection site.  I've really had to work to renew my mind about this, and not fall into the misery that is a slippery slope.  It is what it is, and this is supposed to help.  So, you do it...right?  I've had such an outbreak of symptoms lately (uncontrolled tongue effecting speech and swallowing, weakness in my arms, and can't seem to feel the bottom of my left foot/leg, so gait is impaired), that it helps me to think I'm doing something so I can play with Vi much longer than the course seems to be right now...

I've worked out only 5 times since my last entry, too. YIKES! My first Half this year is 90ish days away!!  My diet has been so-so.  But every day I keep trying.  And every day I am aware of what I'm doing and why I'm not doing certain things.  Let's hope "awareness" is the first step of something big then...  ;)  I know it's been either a tough time of year, or just that others are feeling similarly, as one of my fav bloggers admittedly had to take a hiatus to get herself back in check.  I still get my daily quotes and inspiration from DD, which is probably what keeps my awareness consistent.  It IS time to get serious, though.  Like, for real this time.  :P

Mantras...and my new niece

Man, time flies... You'd think I'd have a lot to say, and I probably do, but can't remember much of it.  Good thing? I don't know...

Anyway, I'm into mantras lately.  And LOVING inspirational/motivational quotes being sent to me on the daily by my virtual training partner.  We'll just call her DD.  ;)  Isn't it nice knowing there's someone out there that can relate to the struggle?  I don't know if it's "misery loves company," (I jest) but knowing you're not the only one is comforting somehow.  Sadly, because of the foot and a half of snow we got, and record low temps, I haven't been able to catch up with my real-life partner, Ann Mary.  I'm looking forward to some more mild days so I can!

I digress.  So I've been practicing renewing my mind to be more positive and focused (which in an of itself is like a daily workout.  As it turns out, I can be one bitter, negative gal!).  Mantras and quotes have been helping IMMENSELY.  Here are some of my favs and go-tos:

• You're not going to find time to exercise.  You need to MAKE time to exercise. -DD's co-worker (genius) 
• Great things never come from comfort zones. 
• I am more than a conqueror.  I love thinking that God made my body to do this.  The Kenyans are my example, LOL! It CAN be done!
• Just. Keep. Moving.

There are others that I think about a lot, but cannot recall at this moment.  I write this stuff all over my house; mirrors, sticky notes, refrigerator note board... It's cheesy, but it helps.  Try it.  NOT doing it isn't getting you anywhere, soooooo.....  

I also still think a lot about being a better model for Vi.  I know I've mentioned this before, but I have to bring it to the present again.  If not for me, for her.  Maybe that's another mantra...  I don't want to jinx myself, but for the recent 2 weeks I have not only consistently tracked the good, the bad, and the ugly, but I've also managed to work out the majority of days in the week.  It's felt really good.  I feel proud of myself for having done it, and proud that I powered through my own negative thinking and self-talk after work; "It's late, you really need your rest." "What's one more day?" "I don't feel good..."  I did it anyway.  Clearly I survived AND I'm better for it.  You think I remember that the next day?  Of course not...

So, I love these things and they're working for me lately so I'm going to stay with it until it doesn't work for me!

Seriously.  MY body. WOW!

YES! For ME!

I'm making a gentlemen's handshake.  It's go time!

So what works for you? Care to share??

And last but certainly not least, my precious little niece, was born yesterday, February 12.  I just want to squeeze her!!  Well done, AJ...

Just another reason to renew my thinking and truly live the healthier, more fit lifestyle I'm working toward.  She needs her auntie to be around AND be strong for her! :)

Super Bowl Confessions

I LOVE SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!!

I don't necessarily love the teams in this Super Bowl 49, but that's another post for another time, I guess.

I'll thank you in advance for your unconditional, non-judging assessment of this entry.  Some of the content is very embarrassing and my attempt at real talk is to get it out there and fix it! :)

I planned some health-conscious friendly snacks/food for the day, too, to avoid over doing it.  I guess that's my first confession; I DID overdo it yesterday as we went to Buddy's Pizza where I had 1/2 an individual-sized antipasto salad and 2.5 slices of deep dish pizza! *gasp*  I know, right?! I have no justification as I loved every bite of it.  However, my WW week starts on Wednesday and I hadn't used any of my weekly points yet, so I'm still not over this week (...so far).  Anyway, I digress.  Have an oriental cabbage salad, various fruit, and chicken nachos planned for this evening.  YUM!  I might even get in some form of activity today and earn points for some Angry Orchard (I LOVE that stuff!) because they're 6 PTS!!  Yikes.

Second confession is, well, bad.  I'm putting it out there in hopes that it helps cleanse me and you know exactly what type of person you're dealing with here.  So my sister, whom I've been encouraging to get out and walk, trot, jog, or run for 2 years now, and has a membership at a gym, got a brand new treadmill for her home.  AND she posts on the Facebook how she's completed week 3 of the C25K program.  And I'm smug.  SMUG! I realize I'm jealous. JEALOUS! She doesn't read this blog so it's okay to put it all out there.  I'm jealous she gets a new treadmill at home, as mine is old, used by someone else, AND that she's actually doing it!  I am not.  Not as consistently as I had planned, and now she's showing progress.  Progress that is AWESOME! I mean, the human side of me is truly thrilled.  I am so proud of her and I can tell it's starting to build the confidence that we all know comes with doing this.  I can't wait to join her this summer and go for runs together; I think that would be so awesome!!  But the insecure, bitter, jealous a-hole side of me says, "Hmph." I'm so gross.  I mean, I want my other sister desperately to do the same thing, as she and I are virtual partners in our fitness quest for at least 3 years now.  Why am I not jealous of her??  So weird!  And gross.  I'm so gross.  While I was walking on my jenky treadmill that night, I felt a burn inside me that said, "Oh yeah? Well.  You're going to have to try and catch this!" I mean, a little positive competition is good! I can't tell yet if it was positive or plain mean.  I want to shake my initial response because I know it's not who I am.  I'm just feeling so insecure and unworthy right now and hatin' on someone who is doing what I want to be doing is just poor sportsmanship and evidence that I not only need to train my body, but train my mind, too.  I've GOT to get my head on right... I swear, the mental component is at least 90% of the game.  Ok, so this cathartic effort has in fact helped in righting my mind.  I'm going to keep exercising my brain, too.

Last confession for this post:  Periodically I get hung up on interactions with people that happened in the past.  I've recognized lately that I've been using those negative interactions as evidence to support my unworthiness.  I'm not sure WHY this has started to be a hang up for me NOW, but it is.  It's feeding my insecurity and paralyzing my motivation.  It feels a bit lonely because I feel embarrassed for feeling this way, of course!

You know me; I like to analyze the crap out of everything, so it's made me feel slightly better that I've been able to identify the force that's been working against me and getting in the way of working toward my goals.  I believe I can do something about that now.  And I'll tell you, I'm counting a lot on my faith lately and I have to say I can see the results already.  After all, I've already learned the strength isn't coming from within me alone, so...why not trying relying on that for a while?