My First Detroit International Half Marathon Experience, with a view from the Back of the Pack

So all of the recommendations to do this race were spot on.  There's so much to this race that is unique for others in which I have participated!

First, the Expo was beyond overwhelming...in a good way.  I mean, where else can you get these sweet backdrops for photo opportunities?! Vi was thrilled to get a cowbell.  Yes, a cowbell. ("I need more cowbell!") I appreciated all the other vendors for some one-stop shopping and adding items to my Wish List.

Perhaps they have the backdrops set up during the Expo so they don't have yahoos trying to get one on the run:

I couldn't resist...

The route was pure excitement.  It's more than just the size of the spectator crowd, too.  I mean, it's not a loop, exactly, or an out and back.  It's literally a tour taking you from near Hart Plaza, across the Ambassador Bridge, along the riverside in Canada where the spectators were just as excited and supportive of the runners.  Then through the tunnel, which today provided a bit of warmth and break from the cold wind.  This is where I got to see my personal pit crew for the first time, a much-needed surprise, indeed.  Vi was yelling, "Go Mommy GOOOOO!" as she clapped and jumped and waved and blew me kisses (purposeful run-on to enhance the importance of each of these activities!)! Shortly after that, I saw some Back-of-the-Pack supporters with signs that made me feel as if I were a legitimate part of this race.  Dan and Vi popped out again and I got a high-five and a quick hug.  She was so PROUD of me!!!  Did she see I was so far in the back??  I guess she did, and it didn't matter.  To this particular 5-year-old, I was winning the race.  Awesome.  AWESOME!!!  

Then, the route winds us through some neighborhoods, a little quiet in some places, leaving you with your thoughts of doubt and sounds of other struggling runners perhaps wondering the same thing...  But there was GREAT camaraderie felt there.  As insecure as I can be, I didn't feel judgement, only an alliance.  I swear, it is THIS race that does that for people, and I can't be sure what the magic elixir for this recipe is, only that I want more of it.  

Soon enough I find myself making the turn down the final stretch.  Dog. Tired. And sore.  But because I'm coming in around 3:22, a respectable time for the Full-Marathoners, there's still quite a crowd and even if they aren't cheering for ME, they're cheering LOUDLY!  WOW!  I had ZERO left in the tank but managed to high-kick it (or my version of it) through the Finish Line!  WOOHOO!!!  The volunteers, refreshment stations, spectators were essential to this race.

And I earned this!

I EARNED these!!  I LOVE that I picked the 13.1 magnet for my car that matches the Lions...who also earned their first win of the season!!  *AWE-SOME* (said in sing-song)

I didn't get any race photos, so am praying the Finisher Pix has something half way decent to commemorate this achievement.  And yes: despite this being my longest of my four Half Marathons, it is STILL an achievement!

God willing, I WILL be back next year, Detroit Freep!

But, but...how??

I was telling someone a story recently about my running history and realized this fall is two years from my first half marathon.  I recalled that at that time, two years ago, I was probably the best shape in my life.  Certainly not the thinnest, but definitely the best physical shape in terms of strength and endurance.  It has been slippery slope since then...

I researched and researched (because that feels like progress that I don't have to actually be out running *HA!*) different training plans, read Runner's World magazine and blogs hungrily as if absorbing the words actually made me faster, and kind of fumbled way independently to an 11:00 minute mile (totally fast for me) and finished strongly.  The zenith of all that effort was of course the race (Detroit Women's Half Marathon and 5K - DO IT! It's AMAZING!)...then I took my recovery time too long...and never got back to the discipline, training, and nutritional program that got me to that point.  Never. Ever.

Try as I might, it's not doing it for me like that first time around.  WHY??  (Seriously.  Not so rhetorical.  If someone can tell me why, I'd appreciate it.)

I've gotten the bug again lately for a couple reasons:

1) I recall feeling AMAZING during that time period.  My memory tells me it was the best I've ever felt.

2) I do NOT feel amazing now.  I think if I can break through the stiffness and pain, it'll ensure I will remain mobile and strong and feeling amazing for longer.

I began researching training programs, fitness programs, strength-training programs, desperate to find something that speaks to me again.  Aaaannnddd...not so much.  It begs the question for me, "How do others do it?"  Is most "success" found with a trainer? Some kind of training plan effectively directing you what to do and when (because I'm sure I need that.  I have no formal education in fitness and nutrition and believe that's part of the recipe for success...it must be!)?

Where did you begin?  What were defining moments in your efforts toward fitness and health?  What has been most crucial? So far, I can say that I've grown enough to finally realize I AM capable and deserving of the fit body and lifestyle I crave...I just don't know HOW!!

Recently, some friends of mine were kicking around an idea to create a relay team for a triathalon.  I've been intrigued with duathlons since two years ago when I was actually "in shape" and thought with some direction I could accomplish such a thing.  I think I would LOVE to be part of a team for something like that.  I also think, because I lack confidence, that I would be the anchor that holds them back.  Again, I ask "HOW" do I get beyond this point then??

One barrier I notice getting in my way is another mental one: I don't think I'm "good enough" for a trainer.  I fear I'm not one of "them," that can commit to the rigor of training, someone standing over me yelling, pushing me when I'm not really that capable...  See?? Yeah, I don't know how to get beyond that mental struggle, either.  I'm willing to work on that, though, if I had a good fit with whatever needs to be in place to move me from contemplation to action (recognize any of these Stages of Change?? :D)!

SOOOOoooo...if I don't get any answers, I'll continue to research (because I'm convinced that should burn a bunch of calories) in the name of fitness and see if that gets me anywhere... ;)

How DO you?

How DID you?

How would you LIKE to??

More wishes...

It seems I'm getting better at NOT wishing I had whatever of everyone else's... see previous post.

But I'm not getting better at not wishing more from me...  Like, still wishing I was performing at where I was two years ago.  The Domino effect follows that I wish I was still as disciplined to my routine, wish I built endurance like I did "before"...  I can't quite place why I can't achieve these things now, despite my efforts.  I guess it means that I really CAN, but I have to keep working at it.

I forget that the process is what's important, not the outcome.  If I want a different hairstyle, I got get it done and it's done.  If I want a new escape, I get a new book.  But if I want a more physically fit body, I can't just go out on one run and expect to be "there."  I am ok with that now, and actually enjoying the anticipation.  This is something I CAN do, HAVE done, and WILL do again.

To celebrate Columbus Day and discovery, Vi and I headed out on a two-mile adventure that she biked and I "ran."  I use air quotes because I feel the need to still qualify that it wasn't as fast as I used to be.  Riiiiight.  I'll try to stop that.

I used that run plus a much slower two-mile run earlier in the day to try and "shake things out."  The last couple days I've been struggling with a threatening spine issue.  I don't want to go too far into it, so as to not give it any more credit.  I try to stay loose...I'm not even sure if this is real, but in my mind it makes sense.  I *think* I'm better off for having pushed through it, but I'm painfully aware of my fragile spine and this sensation that my brain thinks I don't have legs.  This is probably my final "wish" with which I'll struggle...but I plan to keep struggling!

How about I change it up to I "wonder" now...? I wonder what, since it's not physical fitness yet, I will be mastering?  Like what is my strength right now??  What is YOURS? Are we always aware of what those are?  If not, we probably should be...

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I'm thankful that my daughter seems to naturally, unconditionally support my running efforts.  As she rides ahead, a half a block away, she's still ringing her bell yelling, "Come on, Mommy! Go, Mommy!" She's an unbelievably amazing person that makes me smile every day.  :)

I Wish...

I'm sure I'm not alone when I admit that I suffer from envy, in various stages, various degrees, in various phases of my life.

Most recently, I've become all too aware of finding myself "wishing" for what others have.  Really, it boils down to comparing myself against them, for whatever...

I wish:

• I was as committed to my accountability efforts as they are.
• I was as "fit" as I was two years ago.
• I could get my healthy grocery shopping done.
• I worked out as consistently as they do.
• I ran faster...longer.
• 
  
• I was better at mothering.
• I was a better housewife...partner.
• I could have more than one child.
• I was as convicted at bettering my life as the desperation I feel.

I recognize this as comparison.  So, believe it or not, I actually have assigned myself some cognitive behavioral therapy homework and am forcing myself to challenge those beliefs as they occur.  I am becoming better at accurately describing the reality rather than imposing my emotion tied to it.  For example:

"I wish I was a committed to may accountability efforts as they are," through a tedious thought/question process, breaks down to:

"I see you are quite committed to making yourself accountable to (_____).  I am, too.  By noticing your effort, I acknowledge I would like to KEEP doing it, and maybe implement some of your tried-and-true-methods."  As if someone could be "better" than I am to my own efforts...sha! As if! (I could NOT resist that inflection!)

If I weren't committed, it wouldn't have registered with me...you follow?  It's honestly semantics, but it's been working.  I have less shaming and more praise...for myself and others.  And I keep learning more and more, that despite isolating myself...I am really not alone in anything I experience.  What a comforting notion that's become! Others experience it.  Others figure it out.  I can, too.

I have read A LOT lately about the mental game, and how that's really the game changer in any scenario be it exercise, work, academics...if you let your mental game falter, you will.  Period.  I've been trying to keep my mental game sharper lately, which, if I'm honest, has been a HUGE contributor to my problem for...as long as I can remember!  I'm so quick to revert to, 

"No...I can't.  I'm too this, too that...who did I think I was kidding by trying to do (_____)?!"

My spiritual journey these recent 10 months is being tasked with addressing that issue.  If I can actually remember to employ what I know to be true, it works.  Every. Time.  Distractions (I'll say the enemy, you say whatever makes you comfortable) get to me and sideline me.  Not so easy anymore, though...and it feels GOOD.  I've recently been challenged to quit giving my power to others, and LETTING them take the joy from me.  I mean, I was OFFERING my joy to people before they even got to exercise the power I had given them!

So I'm trying to take, "I wish" out of my vernacular (except when singing 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" because by the grace of God my daughter still loves for me to sing to her! *HA HA*) and replace it with, "I thank You that I am already (_____)," or "I'm glad I got to see (_____) to inspire me to (____)."

Why can't we all do this more readily?  Why is it such a self-defeating competition??

So, add that to the infinite list of things I keep trying... *chortle*

I'd rather look back in a few years on this blog to see that I kept trying, as opposed to reading the same entry week after week of my wallowing with no effort to change my situation...right??  (Check back with me in 2018 *HA!*)