3-Day streak

I know, don't count your chickens until they hatch, right?  But I'm celebrating small victories! LOL!

3 days in a row of total tracking, I was over points, but not by "bad" stuff, consumed 100 oz. of water,  AND ran 45 minutes on my own 'mill.  I feel it this time.  It's in me to keep going (stupid small voice in the back of my head just chimed in, "For now," but I'm ignoring it)!

I was reviewing my My Fitness Pal app and am bravely sharing this with you:

This is a graph of my weight from May 2, 2011.  What I can tell from this four year span is I can pinpoint time and that it syncs with events that propelled me into depression and other hungry emotions.  *shaking my head* I'd really like to shift my response to healthier methods.  I mean, if I'm looking to punish myself, working out is a fine method! LOL!

........I'm regretting posting that pic......  Oh well.  What's a blog if you're not being honest, right?  ;)

2 Bold Steps toward progress

1) A decision to quit with the sabotaging guilt

2) Starting simple with water

Medical issues aside, I've absolutely sabotaged myself with thoughts of:

"Oh well, one more night of ice cream isn't going to matter now."
"I'm never gonna be 'that girl" I wanna be anyway, so..."
"You're fat.  You will always be fat.  You're kidding yourself with these so-called efforts."

Brutal.  On a daily basis.  Seriously.

So, whenever I slip up, and I do and will continue to do so, I'm making a very conscious decision not to let every little slip become a landslide.  I mean, because I sneak a donut that someone brought into the office at breakfast time means I sandbag the whole day??  Not anymore.  I've actually been successful at that for four days now and it feels REALLY good.

The other step is I've recommitted to sincere tracking efforts with simply starting with ensuring I get my water in by the end of every day.  That's really all I have to concentrate on.  That has worked for three whole days.

The show streak of success sounds trivial, but it's good enough for me right now.  It's building confidence because I feel good doing it and it feels like something I can perpetuate without feeling I have to alter my whole life to accomplish it.

I DID feel guilty for not getting my Saturday run in, as my partner did, but I let go of it and accepted it.  Sunday I woke up and realized the vague soreness under my right knee camp was not going away, and was, in fact, worse.  After reading about it, I've self-diagnosed my ailment as "Runner's Knee."  At first I was elated that I still suffer from running-type injuries because it must mean I'm running! HA!  Quickly, I recognized a small panic building in my but because 1) if I can't run, will I lose my partner again (PTSD, apparently), 2) if I can't run, I won't lose weight (AAARRRGGGHHH!), 3) I'll lose what little endurance I've built again.  I decided to R-I-C-E and call Sunday a wash as well...  Then I got stir crazy.  Decided to take Vi and the dog for a 1.25-mile walk.  Then I decided to try that same 1.25-mile route with just the dog and run her.  Then I mused to myself, "Runner's knee...hmph!"  Simultaneously I realized I was cold and should go home and try the 'mill out for the first solid time.

My knee was still feeling okay and I got 2.0 more miles in!  I was so excited to look at my Fitbit to see just how close I must be to my 10,000 step daily goal only to realize it wasn't working! *insert expletive*

Today, I didn't really feel like it, but getting dressed to take Vi to school I donned some running clothes to take advantage of this near-50 degree weather and to not let my partner down in case she was out as well.  I decided to truly commit to a cross-training type day and set out to walk 2 miles.  I was making such good time, I pushed it to 3 instead!

Not to bad, I thought!

The lake like a mirror to the sky

AND as of 4:00 this afternoon, I've consumed 72-ounces of water. It's inspired me to try and consume only "healthy" foods, too!  So far, only 14 WW points, as well as 5 servings of vegetables! I wasn't really tracking before, but I KNOW this is a far improvement over what I had been consuming!  I even planned it that I can have dinner tonight at Panera with friends and not derail today's efforts!

Pictures don't lie

I don't even know where to start.

My brain has been kind to me these last several months, as it's turned a blind (figuratively not literally this time) eye to my reflection in the mirror.  My mind's eye sees some flab, a spare tire, and is aware I'm "heavy set," but morphs my reflection into something I apparently accepted.  Thank you mind's eye...kinda.

Last night, while at my monthly Bunco tournament, the group of us took a photo donning our versions of Christmas characters.  Oh.  My.  God.  I can't stop staring at it!  I didn't know it had gotten that bad!

Tiny Tim is not-so-tiny.  

I'm just *shaking my head*.  I can't wrap my head around it.  Good. God.  And all I want to do right now is shove chocolate chip cookies in my face.  

I'd like to say it's my breaking point, my rock bottom.  It kind of feels like it, so I'll hope to use that fear as the drive to be serious about my efforts.  Although, today was a nice day and I didn't run... I did have a full day of being out and about with Vi, though.  And we didn't snack while out like I normally would indulge while shopping.  I guess that's a start.  

3, 2, 1...out!

Man! I got a cold bug from my daughter, who of course bounced back after 24 hours, while it's sticking with me for 72 hours...  AND it transitioned into issues with my spine so I can barely walk.  The achy-ness is paralyzing!  I haven't been able to run since Friday...

BUT, when I'm awake, I've been researching which training program to follow for May's Half Marathon, reading others' blogs, and otherwise looking for inspiration and a way to at least keep my brain on track while mentally encouraging my body to catch up.  I'm trying to stay committed to tracking my food daily...why is it so hard now?  I'm telling you, exactly one year from now, you couldn't stop me from tracking or working out.  This year, every little effort feels pointless and tedious.  Anyone vacillate, so? How do you pull yourself out of that downward spiral?

Luckily, my friend over at Finding Her Happy Pace, suggested people list their blogs and sites for information and resources.  I've said time and time again: if only research/reading burned as many calories as actually DOING it! HAHAHA!

MFP & WW APPS

Constant dieters will recognize this as code for the phone applications My Fitness Pal and Weight Watchers.

I've recently joined a group committed to tracking food.  I know this is a major challenge for me, and a large part of what is sabotaging me.  After committing to the group, I realized...I'm AFRAID! The fear is actually paralyzing me! I find myself closet eating so I don't have to feel bad for the tracking I'm not doing anyway!  This is a true illness...

So the question is which app?  I had success on MFP before, and it's already linked to my other activity apps.  The Weight Watcher app is pretty thorough as well, but it costs.  I know there's a "Lose It" app and other such variations.

Do you have a favorite?  What features keep you involved and constant in your efforts?

3 Reasons to Keep at It

1) Me

2) Me

3) Me

...and no, it's not an opera (get it? "Mi mi mi mi miiiiii" ;P).  It's easy for me to get wrapped up in life, the small things that get in the way of me doing what I need to do to improve my conditioning, especially this time of year.

When I don't make time for it, I've noticed I suffer greatly.  My body stiffens.  It takes twice as long to get back to the level I was at two days priors.  I've had to spend a lot of time coming to terms with it and finding the delicate balance between allowing my body the rest it requires, and pushing through to better it.  My walking gait is so off lately due to muscle crippling muscle spasms, that I actually jacked my knee up! Nonetheless, I try to keep at it, at a level I can.

I ran the Detroit Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day, and ran faster than I have in months! Runs like that help keep my spirits up and endure.

If I don't keep moving.  I'll stop, simple as that.  I live in a stupid house with four staircases and I can't NOT walk up/down them.  I have a 4-year-old daughter that loves to run and play.  I can't NOT be right along side her.  I have my Mom-on-a-MILF-Mission to achieve in less than 6 months...  See?  AT LEAST 3 reasons to keep at it.

Care to share yours?