I often talk about my emotional eating, but this week noticed how that same propensity morphed into an emotional laziness...I felt really unable to exercise this week. I had such an awesome Monday and Tuesday, too...
The thing this week is something happened at work that unfortunately slid over into my personal life, like legitimately, not just me letting it emotionally occur. The potential for a somewhat dangerous situation is always present I guess, as anybody can Google you and find out where you live. That's literally bringing your work home with you! So, long story short, someone came to my home that should not have, and I feel totally violated. Going to the gym doesn't feel like an option right now. I know it's not rational...but sometimes you can't use logical to deal with illogical situations, you know?
My sister said I still don't have to let this sabotage my efforts. I know, I know. I guess the good news is, if any, that I haven't really sabotaged my eating. Small victories, right?
I have a little panic set in when I think about my training, though. Runner's World said going longer than 2 days in between running can begin to not improve endurance, rather just sustain it. I dragged through a painful 4 miles on Monday and was hoping to get through 5 miles at some point this weekend. Having only 1 training session in between doesn't bode well for that. I know that I don't want to give my power over to this situation, and let it ruin my goals. *sigh* I guess when I start to get overwhelmed by the idea of things, I'll try and keep this idea at the forefront of my mind.
Life so easily gets in the way of my training efforts, when I'm trying to make training a regular way of life!
My journey to self discovery, spiritual growth, and everlasting quest for health, fitness...and guilt-free ways to eat my sweets
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Monday, March 23, 2015
Fundraising at its funnest!
So, check this out:
Super fun, right?? I said it would be a fun way to take a gamble on a fun time. Heehee...I couldn't resist. It's a fun activity if you're planning a stay-cation for Memorial Day weekend! Sadly...I'll be in Traverse City that weekend, as it's the Half Marathon the day before. Of course, I'm trying to figure out if I can pull off both just because I'm so excited, buuuut...I don't know. Dan will probably reign me in...
Speaking of the Half Marathon....YIKES! It's less than 9 weeks away!! *GASP* Ohhhhh dear. I don't want to put it out there my fear and concern, buuuuut.... I don't have my Aunt Vickie to drag me through this one, so I HAVE to be adequately prepared!! I knew I was behind on my original training schedule. Readjusting it and looking at the suggested training plan on www.walkjogrun.net (I really like this site), I'm STILL behind about a week and a half.
I did another "long run" today, hoping to get caught up, but being cautious to not induce injury from ramping up mileage too quickly. I went prepared with my electrolyte-replacing drink, a gel, and a banana for after! I was proud of remembering all of those things. I dropped Vi off ready to head the two miles over when I realized I left my phone/music at home. Aaaarrrghhhh! Home is 25 minutes in the opposite direction! I made the decision that it was worth it, because I would never get through 4 miles without it. It's an understatement it say it was "rough." I think the 3 mile run Friday was MUCH easier the whole way. Actually, mile 4 today as the easiest! I just couldn't find my rhythm and get into the zone. My thoughts were flooded with the realization that I was having difficulty running 3 miles, and in less than 9 weeks I'd need to be prepared to run 10 more! In January when I committed to doing this race, I had visions of a well-prepared, much more fit version of me killing that race. I've decided there's no other way to turn that into a positive, motivating statement other than to just ignore it, and get it out of my head. The reality of my situation now is I have 9 weeks until a big race. I need to be pragmatic and do what I can do build strength, increase my mileage and put speed on the back burner until future races. I can only do what I can do, with the time amount of days in front of me. I'd like to say I'm going to make the best out of those 61 days, buuuuut...if you've read this blog regularly enough, you know that faltering is my reality, and I can only count on progress not perfection.
I would thank you in advance for your well-wishes and prayers, though, because that's part of what it's going to take! =D
Friday, March 20, 2015
Sometimes Life Just Sucks
...for no other reason that it just does.
Be prepared for a completely bi-polar post.
On Monday I was informed that a dear friend of the family, a member of my bible fellowship, lost her fiancé in a car accident. The same friend who unexpectedly lost her mother in December. Yeah. Riiiiight. Sucks. Just sucks. It's always amazing to me how our brain works and its instant defensive mode to protect and cope. My brain immediately goes to how life isn't fair, how could God let this happen, she didn't deserve this, and other much darker thoughts I'll spare you... Thankfully, I can renew my mind and stay above water. I know the truth and have been taught and raised on that truth. There is not always a cause/effect answer for everything in our free-will world. So sometimes it just sucks. Our response to it doesn't have to, though. Remember to be grateful for what and who you have and don't let ugly bitterness settle in to ruin that.
(hang on for the swing)
...I guess it was this philosophy that kept me focused on being committed to working toward my goals. Nothing is certain, and maximizing what we do have is important. I want to be the best version of myself for me and my family, as that will optimize our time together, too! Maybe that and working out was a good way to physically work through some of these emotions. Full confession: I joined Planet Fitness on Monday for $10 down/$10 a month. I figured I had been successful in the gym environment before, and trying to use my own rickity treadmill wasn't cutting it. I'm saving money every month because I quit my Weight Watchers app ($20/month) because I wasn't tracking consistently and I wasn't feeling it this time around. So, I actually worked out (at PF, out of my way home):
Monday: W10/R20/W5/R10/W15
Tuesday: Funeral then intervals of 2m running at 5.0 (fast for me lately!)/90s walk for 40 mins. IN-TENSE!
Wednesday: [Ridiculous sidebar: While on a home visit to a patient's home, I got bit by a dog. Company policy is, of course, no matter that skin wasn't broken and it was just a bruise, I go to the Urgent Care to be checked and medically released. I was livid. It was the most embarrassing waste of time and resources. Anyway, I didn't get done with that until 10:45 and my blood pressure was 139/98 causing ringing ears and a headache so I came home and went immediately to bed. Grrrr....)
Thursday: Admittedly, the long hours at work always gets to me Thursday evening, as well as I don't think I've worked out more than 3 days in a week in 20 weeks, I felt pretty exhausted! I still managed to walk 45 minutes at a 3.0 pace on a 2.0 incline, then did some weight training for my arms.
Friday: While Vi was at school this morning, I managed to go work out again...less than 10 hours from when I worked out last, I might add! Today I wanted to see if I could run two miles straight without stopping to walk. I'd set my new beginner pace at a 13:19 mile. I knew from Monday I could run 20 minutes, so I planned to push 6 more minutes (and 38 seconds) to accomplish two miles. It was rough. It wasn't pretty. I spent the first part of watching a Joel Osteen podcast entitled "No excuses." I thought it was fitting. =P After 20 minutes I decided I needed to hear the push of my music to power through the last 6 minutes (and 38 seconds). At 24 minutes (2:38 to go!), a young girl got on the 'mill next to me and started to run. I LOVE this. I don't know what it is; I call it drafting, but I LOVE drafting off a runner next to me. Even when they're faster than me (which is all the time), you some how get into a rhythm. You can really feel they're in a same sense of limit-pushing misery as you and there's something strengthening about that. Well, with her on board, I managed to eek out the last 2:38 feeling STRONG! So strong...that I pushed through another 13:19 to tackle another mile!! 3 miles running!! I was so happy, I intended to tell her when I was done, but she got off and left before I was done. Now, I also noticed that I damn near passed out, so I don't think it was very smart of me. I felt the chills all over as I was sweating bullets into my sweat-soaked clothes, and noticed the little stars knocking at the edges of my periphery...which was now narrowing. I walked 9 more minutes to make sure I was stable, grabbed my stuff out of the locker and headed outside where it was cooler and I had an electrolyte replacing shake in my truck on the ready. I'll tell you, I was a little worried for a second, there! I realized I wasn't thinking clearly, felt sluggish and slow cognitively... I guzzled the 16 oz and let it seep through my body. As I slowly recovered, a smile slowly graced my face as I haven't experienced this sense of pride in pushing my physical limitations in at least 5 months. I thought to myself, that if I woke up tomorrow and couldn't walk (from MS not unnecessarily exerting myself through exercise =P), that I could be proud of what I did today.
So, that's my new goal, to try to be proud of some little part each day in an effort to be present, mindful, and grateful for what I do have. The saying in my living room this week is:
Be prepared for a completely bi-polar post.
On Monday I was informed that a dear friend of the family, a member of my bible fellowship, lost her fiancé in a car accident. The same friend who unexpectedly lost her mother in December. Yeah. Riiiiight. Sucks. Just sucks. It's always amazing to me how our brain works and its instant defensive mode to protect and cope. My brain immediately goes to how life isn't fair, how could God let this happen, she didn't deserve this, and other much darker thoughts I'll spare you... Thankfully, I can renew my mind and stay above water. I know the truth and have been taught and raised on that truth. There is not always a cause/effect answer for everything in our free-will world. So sometimes it just sucks. Our response to it doesn't have to, though. Remember to be grateful for what and who you have and don't let ugly bitterness settle in to ruin that.
(hang on for the swing)
...I guess it was this philosophy that kept me focused on being committed to working toward my goals. Nothing is certain, and maximizing what we do have is important. I want to be the best version of myself for me and my family, as that will optimize our time together, too! Maybe that and working out was a good way to physically work through some of these emotions. Full confession: I joined Planet Fitness on Monday for $10 down/$10 a month. I figured I had been successful in the gym environment before, and trying to use my own rickity treadmill wasn't cutting it. I'm saving money every month because I quit my Weight Watchers app ($20/month) because I wasn't tracking consistently and I wasn't feeling it this time around. So, I actually worked out (at PF, out of my way home):
Monday: W10/R20/W5/R10/W15
Tuesday: Funeral then intervals of 2m running at 5.0 (fast for me lately!)/90s walk for 40 mins. IN-TENSE!
Wednesday: [Ridiculous sidebar: While on a home visit to a patient's home, I got bit by a dog. Company policy is, of course, no matter that skin wasn't broken and it was just a bruise, I go to the Urgent Care to be checked and medically released. I was livid. It was the most embarrassing waste of time and resources. Anyway, I didn't get done with that until 10:45 and my blood pressure was 139/98 causing ringing ears and a headache so I came home and went immediately to bed. Grrrr....)
Thursday: Admittedly, the long hours at work always gets to me Thursday evening, as well as I don't think I've worked out more than 3 days in a week in 20 weeks, I felt pretty exhausted! I still managed to walk 45 minutes at a 3.0 pace on a 2.0 incline, then did some weight training for my arms.
Friday: While Vi was at school this morning, I managed to go work out again...less than 10 hours from when I worked out last, I might add! Today I wanted to see if I could run two miles straight without stopping to walk. I'd set my new beginner pace at a 13:19 mile. I knew from Monday I could run 20 minutes, so I planned to push 6 more minutes (and 38 seconds) to accomplish two miles. It was rough. It wasn't pretty. I spent the first part of watching a Joel Osteen podcast entitled "No excuses." I thought it was fitting. =P After 20 minutes I decided I needed to hear the push of my music to power through the last 6 minutes (and 38 seconds). At 24 minutes (2:38 to go!), a young girl got on the 'mill next to me and started to run. I LOVE this. I don't know what it is; I call it drafting, but I LOVE drafting off a runner next to me. Even when they're faster than me (which is all the time), you some how get into a rhythm. You can really feel they're in a same sense of limit-pushing misery as you and there's something strengthening about that. Well, with her on board, I managed to eek out the last 2:38 feeling STRONG! So strong...that I pushed through another 13:19 to tackle another mile!! 3 miles running!! I was so happy, I intended to tell her when I was done, but she got off and left before I was done. Now, I also noticed that I damn near passed out, so I don't think it was very smart of me. I felt the chills all over as I was sweating bullets into my sweat-soaked clothes, and noticed the little stars knocking at the edges of my periphery...which was now narrowing. I walked 9 more minutes to make sure I was stable, grabbed my stuff out of the locker and headed outside where it was cooler and I had an electrolyte replacing shake in my truck on the ready. I'll tell you, I was a little worried for a second, there! I realized I wasn't thinking clearly, felt sluggish and slow cognitively... I guzzled the 16 oz and let it seep through my body. As I slowly recovered, a smile slowly graced my face as I haven't experienced this sense of pride in pushing my physical limitations in at least 5 months. I thought to myself, that if I woke up tomorrow and couldn't walk (from MS not unnecessarily exerting myself through exercise =P), that I could be proud of what I did today.
So, that's my new goal, to try to be proud of some little part each day in an effort to be present, mindful, and grateful for what I do have. The saying in my living room this week is:
What you plant NOW, you will harvest LATER
It's a nice reminder for me, and seems to have been working. =)
Now, DD's saying for today might be a more appropriate one:
Friday. My second favorite "F" word.
HAHA! They both are so fitting for this week!
Monday, March 16, 2015
The Power of Suggestion
I had this totally awesome weekend as I got to host my girls from my annual Girls' Camp and their beautiful children for a slumber party! It was so. much. FUN! Just visiting, playing, and of course, lots of eating thanks to DD's gourmet chef-ery (yeah, I made that up. But it fits, so...). I had already committed to no point or calorie counting for the weekend, I just wanted to enjoy myself. I was hoping keeping portions to a good size would work itself out since I had to share with 9 other mouths...and it did. ;)
So, imagine my surprise after my weekend of gluttony and weeks of intermittent workouts, DD said it appeared I was losing weight. She may have been lying to be kind (even if you did, thank you ;)), but it worked. Because someone thought I was being successful, I felt compelled to actually act successful! The rest of the day and (thankfully) even into today, I've felt successful and made choices based on that! I even worked out today!
Walked 15 mins
Ran 20 mins
Walked 10 mins
Ran 10
Walked 5 mins
THEN lifted weights and worked on leg strengthening
I know; WHAAAAT?! AND of course I felt amazing. I've already set out my clothes to workout after work tomorrow for a good-faith preparation effort.
Full disclosure - once again a fire lit under my ass when I learned one of my friends is deep into her commitment in her Milf on a Mission/Fit by 40 campaign. For the love of Pete, it was my idea, and I can't get going! =D Hearing/seeing her made a familiar feeling return in my belly, a burning desire to act and DO more. Later that evening, my sister sent out a family text wondering whether we were all participating in our (now 3rd annual) Tax Trot 5K April 11th. I figured, it's THREE weeks away. Certainly I can get myself into 5K shape...right?? So I'm on my way!
Only as a matter of checking in, I'll mention my stiffness was tough to shake off at first, and took longer than was my old "normal." But, it DID come off, just long enough for me to walk/run. Immediately after, it settled back in...all the literature and educational presentations I've attended suggest you have to keep moving to keep the fatigue and muscle stiffness at bay. That really sucks. In case you were wondering. >:|
So, imagine my surprise after my weekend of gluttony and weeks of intermittent workouts, DD said it appeared I was losing weight. She may have been lying to be kind (even if you did, thank you ;)), but it worked. Because someone thought I was being successful, I felt compelled to actually act successful! The rest of the day and (thankfully) even into today, I've felt successful and made choices based on that! I even worked out today!
Walked 15 mins
Ran 20 mins
Walked 10 mins
Ran 10
Walked 5 mins
THEN lifted weights and worked on leg strengthening
I know; WHAAAAT?! AND of course I felt amazing. I've already set out my clothes to workout after work tomorrow for a good-faith preparation effort.
Full disclosure - once again a fire lit under my ass when I learned one of my friends is deep into her commitment in her Milf on a Mission/Fit by 40 campaign. For the love of Pete, it was my idea, and I can't get going! =D Hearing/seeing her made a familiar feeling return in my belly, a burning desire to act and DO more. Later that evening, my sister sent out a family text wondering whether we were all participating in our (now 3rd annual) Tax Trot 5K April 11th. I figured, it's THREE weeks away. Certainly I can get myself into 5K shape...right?? So I'm on my way!
Only as a matter of checking in, I'll mention my stiffness was tough to shake off at first, and took longer than was my old "normal." But, it DID come off, just long enough for me to walk/run. Immediately after, it settled back in...all the literature and educational presentations I've attended suggest you have to keep moving to keep the fatigue and muscle stiffness at bay. That really sucks. In case you were wondering. >:|
Friday, March 13, 2015
2015 Bike MS Frankenmuth event
I'm officially registered!
So far it seems Team Amy will remain primarily the same as last year, and maybe even a couple of additions (including my husband!)!
The event this year will be the weekend of September 26-27, 2015. I've already heard Ann plans to do just the first day...this makes me wonder if I should try to do the increased miles again?? It's so early...6 months in advance, 197 days. I'm just so excited already! If you're considering supporting this awesome cause, here's a link! ;)
Or consider joining our team and riding with us! :D
I keep putting all these events out there hoping it'll help me focus, train, give me motivation... and none of it's working! HAHA! Seriously! Why not this time? While I love researching the crap out of most things, which serves two purposes (avoiding the work and oh yeah, learning), I'm kind of sick of the topic. The truth is, I'm obsessing about my health and nothing more than that; obsessing. I've planned workouts, but done nothing to prepare to make them happen. My diet is better, but that's about it. So, I'm stuck in a holding pattern again, knowing full well what I should be doing, when I should be doing it, and simply not making myself do it. There's no wondrous secret to figure out.
I've also been obsessing about finding a new job. I still have mine, but I know in my heart it's time for a change. I've applied for many, and already had a few denials. Initially I had planned to react with bitter resentment, as is my go-to feeling (sad, I know. Don't worry, it gets better.). But when I read the agencies' responses, I was truly ok! I knew it must not be the fit I'm looking for, and am happy I didn't find out after leaving my current position just to get into another less-than-ideal situation. I've been praying about it and opening myself up to other types of opportunities, not just in mental health. I'm excited to see where this goes, but also content waiting for the right fit. Now THIS is a genuine accomplishment!
Tangent: am I the only mother of a pre-schooler that is not excited to participate in party planning? This is just not my forte. I feel bad for not enjoying the process! I know in too short of a time, she'll be in high school and I would die to be able to plan and attend one of her parties, but this is just zapping for me! I'm totally fine with showing up, being told what to do, clean up, rearrange furniture, whatever! But search for snacks, games, crafts?? *sigh* Thank God I wasn't the assigned "Lead Mom" on this one... *whew!*
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