Square one...or not

I really like this message...I just wish I believed it.  The other day, I saw in front of the gym for 20 minutes, in the car, unable to go inside.  I was texting my sister who offered me some nice bits of wisdom that I will need to continue to reflect on to keep going:

• You are not starting over, just picking up where you left off
• Don't be afraid to pick up again, it's a chance to rebuild what you want
• You HAVE done this before, so you know it CAN be done again, even if it feels too hard
• Just start with 15 minutes.  No matter what, that's more than what could have happened sitting on the couch
• 15 minutes from now, you can either feel proud of yourself, or lazy and disappointed

WOW.  That was pretty powerful.  So, I dragged my butt in, allowing myself 15 minutes then figuring everything after was a bonus.  I started on the treadmill and did intervals for ... get this ... 60 minutes!!  It goes without saying that of course I felt awesome and was grateful for having done it.  The next day, I got up and did 35 minutes of intervals around my neighborhood.  TODAY, I went to the gym again and stayed on the 'mill for 60 minutes, doing fast intervals and of course felt awesome.  

SO, I feel like I'm back at it.  I've beat myself up pretty good physically, allowing myself to gain weight unhealthily like that and get out of shape, decreasing my conditioning by what feels like 100%.  THEN I beat myself up pretty good mentally, which has been the major barrier in the way of me being "back at it" much sooner.  Interesting, of the blogs I follow, it seems many are suffering from this right now, for reasons unknown, and fear getting back to it.  I like redirecting my thinking from being at "square one," to simply returning to my journey.  I've noticed that I lack goals, which is severely impacting my drive (or lack thereof), so I've begun thinking seriously about what I want next...or in general.  It's so scary, because it makes it real.  But, I've also learned I need it go be "real" to make anything happen. More on that later...

My mental state has embarrassingly effected my thinking with respect to other non-running related to things.  I think not running/working out left all that negative energy stuck in me and boiled up to my brain.  That's bad.  Very bad.  That said, look for more positive things coming from me...I really don't like behaving that way.

While running, I had all of this stuff I wanted to say, and couldn't wait to get to sit and write it out... Of course, writer's block.  ;) I guess this is just a part of my journey as well. =D