Thank God...

No really, thank Him!  These recent weeks I believe I have witnessed divine intervention.  I have seen  multiple examples of the importance of your spirituality and how it (very positively!) impacts one's life.

I made a commitment to "choose" my mood.  Don't get me wrong, I've legitimately struggled with depression before, so I am not minimizing the difficulty of such things.  But what I'm talking about is the little stuff that would regularly occur in a day, and I would basically be left a bitter, negative hag.  For example, s-l-o-w drivers; I would swear to you they were blocking me on purpose.  Someone pulls into a parking spot in front of me, blocking the aisle in the grocery story, standing too close to me in line (honestly...), pregnancy announcements...  I mean, I realized I have a serious chip on my shoulder! I catch myself CONSTANTLY, an embarrassingly high number of times per day, having to check myself and adjust my attitude.  I'm ashamed at how I made everything about me.  I am putting out there, what I want in return.  People can think it's BS, but I've witnessed it and benefitted from it, so why wouldn't I embrace this and make it my way of life??

For the first time in...YEARS, I have a peace that I will be ok...MORE than ok!  My job security is wavering, my physical state is subpar and I now know that I know that I know, I will be ok.  I think about the 39 years of my life and the scary moments that I survived, that at that moment absolutely consumed my life.  But I've also forgotten most of the details pertaining to those events, and likely missed out on a bunch of other cool stuff going on around me (my niece and nephews, sisters, friends...EVERYTHING).

That being said, I also now accept the work I am responsible for putting into it, if I want the results I feel are readily available to me.  THIS takes a LOT of work because it means basically shifting entirely how I think, my knee-jerk reactions to things, ON TOP of doing the actual work (working out, organizing the home, being productive at work, etc.)!  But somehow it all has more purpose, maybe because I acknowledge really every little thing I'm doing is going to make a difference.

One of the main shifts I need to make is not comparing myself to others, either in pace, socio-economic status, popularity, etc.  This, as it turns out, is really difficult...most likely because I'm insecure, but I'm working on it...DAILY, so I anticipate great results.

I got in 5 hard miles on the treadmill this morning.  I'm anticipating my Chocolate Double 10K & 5K this Sunday and already worried about the people I know that will be participating or checking my time and judging.  It's seriously ridiculous.  I could name 5 times as many more people that would be sitting at home doing nothing, but my achievement doesn't matter in those situations...JEESH! I re-wrote this section 4 times because I tried to find a nicer way to put it, without admitting how ridiculous I am, and it doesn't shake out, so there you have it.  I'm practicing running my own race and not being effected by others' views.  I mean, I will have run 9 (.3!) miles that day.  Either way you look at it, I think that's kinda cool.

So, I thank God that I have been shown these things and am grateful for the confidence in knowing I WILL accomplish what I want now! Whew! :D