Ask and ye shall receive!

No, really!

Not to get all churchy on you, but I have to admit I stand by this truth and have witnessed it come to pass first hand!

Okay, so in the most surprising places do we find what we are looking for.  Tonight, while at my monthly Bunco game (YES! It's so much fun: dice, friends, drink, and food?! Come on...!), I found my new running partner.  Seriously!  She is much faster than I, but heart is big and patient, and we are coming up with a plan for both of us.  Like, now! We are going to run Monday! Whaaaat?!  It's kind of scary, as I don't want to disappoint, but it is oh so refreshing to have an actual supportive partner to have accountability, and simultaneously share disappointments and successes since we are at the same point in our training journeys!!

Speaking of training... We. Are. Going. To. Run. A. FULL Marathon...NEXT YEAR!!  I'm putting it out there here, where it will be forever on record and one way or another I will have to answer to it.  I KNOW, RIGHT?!?  This is so cool.  And she is seriously so great; her positive attitude and spirit is infectious and just what I need.  I hope to satisfy some of her requirements as well, so it's got me already super committed to this!  My husband is uber supportive and says, "I've been telling you all along you could and should do this; this is not a surprise to me."  (Trust me, that's him being supportive.  ;))

So.  It's on!  As I stuffed my face with food and drink tonight, I'm telling myself, "Enjoy it.  Your gluttonous phase is coming to a staggering end, and food-for-fuel is about to take over!" :D

How did you train for your first marathon?
How long did you allow for yourself to train?
...did you actually do what you had set out to do (my insecurity already setting in...JEESH! >:|)?

Thank God...

No really, thank Him!  These recent weeks I believe I have witnessed divine intervention.  I have seen  multiple examples of the importance of your spirituality and how it (very positively!) impacts one's life.

I made a commitment to "choose" my mood.  Don't get me wrong, I've legitimately struggled with depression before, so I am not minimizing the difficulty of such things.  But what I'm talking about is the little stuff that would regularly occur in a day, and I would basically be left a bitter, negative hag.  For example, s-l-o-w drivers; I would swear to you they were blocking me on purpose.  Someone pulls into a parking spot in front of me, blocking the aisle in the grocery story, standing too close to me in line (honestly...), pregnancy announcements...  I mean, I realized I have a serious chip on my shoulder! I catch myself CONSTANTLY, an embarrassingly high number of times per day, having to check myself and adjust my attitude.  I'm ashamed at how I made everything about me.  I am putting out there, what I want in return.  People can think it's BS, but I've witnessed it and benefitted from it, so why wouldn't I embrace this and make it my way of life??

For the first time in...YEARS, I have a peace that I will be ok...MORE than ok!  My job security is wavering, my physical state is subpar and I now know that I know that I know, I will be ok.  I think about the 39 years of my life and the scary moments that I survived, that at that moment absolutely consumed my life.  But I've also forgotten most of the details pertaining to those events, and likely missed out on a bunch of other cool stuff going on around me (my niece and nephews, sisters, friends...EVERYTHING).

That being said, I also now accept the work I am responsible for putting into it, if I want the results I feel are readily available to me.  THIS takes a LOT of work because it means basically shifting entirely how I think, my knee-jerk reactions to things, ON TOP of doing the actual work (working out, organizing the home, being productive at work, etc.)!  But somehow it all has more purpose, maybe because I acknowledge really every little thing I'm doing is going to make a difference.

One of the main shifts I need to make is not comparing myself to others, either in pace, socio-economic status, popularity, etc.  This, as it turns out, is really difficult...most likely because I'm insecure, but I'm working on it...DAILY, so I anticipate great results.

I got in 5 hard miles on the treadmill this morning.  I'm anticipating my Chocolate Double 10K & 5K this Sunday and already worried about the people I know that will be participating or checking my time and judging.  It's seriously ridiculous.  I could name 5 times as many more people that would be sitting at home doing nothing, but my achievement doesn't matter in those situations...JEESH! I re-wrote this section 4 times because I tried to find a nicer way to put it, without admitting how ridiculous I am, and it doesn't shake out, so there you have it.  I'm practicing running my own race and not being effected by others' views.  I mean, I will have run 9 (.3!) miles that day.  Either way you look at it, I think that's kinda cool.

So, I thank God that I have been shown these things and am grateful for the confidence in knowing I WILL accomplish what I want now! Whew! :D

Are Virtual Partners...real??

I've really struggled this year being consistent in my workouts, in part, because I don't have the accountability of a workout partner anymore.  I enjoyed the "misery loves company" understanding when showing up after a 12-hour work day, and someone else "gets" my pain.  Quite simply, as it turns out, I still lack the self discipline it takes to get out there and keep doing it.

So, it begs the question: do virtual partners really work??

Is there anyone that has a virtual partner, someone you connect with every day for accountability, inspiration...a good ol' kick in the a$$? Is this enough? As good as having the "real deal"??  Last year, my besties created this website for the four of us to connect, add our training, upcoming races, etc., all for our Color Run endgame.  I really really didn't want to be the slow fat chic (as I would have been, just sayin') and I really got into this forum.  Heck, I even logged in more than they did!  However, at the beginning knowing I would have them to whom I would be accountable, really made me put in the work when I really really didn't want to do it.  ...In that case, it really did work.  ;)

If you've none of these things...how do you do it??  What do you keep in front of you to get up early, come home late, or miss out on something to make sure you get that work out in?

My gym membership officially terminates 12/03/14.  I have a new-to-me treadmill at home now.  Have you decided which forum works best for you? Gym? Home gym?  I'm really super bad (said in my 4-year-old's pleading voice, new fav phrase) hoping my discipline will increase if the damn thing's right down stairs...really SUPER bad...

Deep Thoughts...

Not really, more like a menagerie of random thoughts or observations and it was difficult to title this entry due to the lack of focus.  ;)

• I had such a cool streak going a couple weeks ago, having run 8 out of 9 days in a row! It felt pretty good, too, and didn't seem to be a negative drain on my schedule either.  Then...I ended up with 8 days in a row off.  Are you able to keep a consistent schedule?? My running IS so important to me, yet life so easily gets in the way and pushes that goal to the side... Ugh.  Kind of discouraging.  

• BUT, I'm just re-focusing and doing what I can.  SO, after dropping Vi off to school I headed to that gym again and hit the 'mill.  I didn't commit to a workout...I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it.  I just winged it.  Secretly, I wanted to get in a "long run" of 6 miles.  My Kona Chocolate Double is November 16th, and I need a couple longer runs in if I want to get through the 10K and 5K!  I walked one mile then just decided to hop into a trot and kept running...for 5.5 miles! :D  I got in my 6 miles and felt AMAZING.  I did notice I finally felt like it wasn't such a battle between my brain and body about 50 minutes into it... I hope I can shorten that time-frame SOON! 

• I was motivated to get in some moving today, too, due to a challenge posed by Heather over at Finding Her Happy Pace.  She created MOVEmber, an opportunity to move your body, thoughts, and habits into a positive direction.  I like this idea a lot and feel the community aspect of it provides a social support I'm lacking.  Without a workout partner anymore, accountability is zero, so this forum really helps!  I am more conscious of my commitment to move or creating more positive habits.
• As I was running at the gym, I noticed the TV attached to the treadmill, and when it's not on it really reflects the image in front of it.  In this case, from my shoulders to my love handles.  What I saw was NOT pretty.  I saw that as I was feeling early on in my run this particular bra isn't cutting it for running, I could also see this bra wasn't cutting it...yikes. I was so focused on "just keep running," though, I couldn't even spend the energy on it to feel silly.  I just kept going.  But then I decided it was a great opportunity to really see my running form.  Watching my stride and arm movement got me in the zone and stayed there.  I really think being able to see how I was doing kept me wanting more!  Anyway, it was kind of a fun science experiment.  
• My "fall goal," which is the Kona race is 2 weeks away.  I chose this late-fall race to keep me focused and running.  Last year after my September Half, I stopped and never really got my mojo back.  I really want to keep running through the winter this time, and....dare I say it?  Run the Bay Shore Half in May!  How can I keep focused with basically 5 months of no accountability (like a race)??  How do YOU keep going in those winter months?  Also, my gym membership is ending December 3, so that may interfere...or make it easier for me!  I now have a treadmill here and a bunch of free weights, which is basically all I used at the gym.  Maybe since it's here I'll do MORE!  *odd doubt feeling in back of my mind*
• ......Hmmmm.....I wish there were a local running group I could join.  I think being near other runners again would help.  I don't know...
• My pace was so slow today (12:30-12:45)...I wonder if I'll ever get my speed back?  Is this it?  Is it enough?? *sigh*

Well, not so "deep," but I had a ton of thoughts today while running and had to share.  I DO also have a goal of keeping things positive.  For example, while it bums me out I don't have a running partner anymore, I'm thankful I can still run.  I'm hopeful for the doors it will open.  Keeping this approach on my heart really helps my attitude and is a positive side effect of my MOVEmber commitment.  :)

Best 5 out of 6

I think I finally hit my wall.  I MUST have.  BECAUSE for the last 5 out of 6 days, I have run.

"And I was running!"  Anyone?

Friday I hit the 'mill while my daughter was in preschool.  Saturday I got up and did fartleks (I KNOW,  RIGHT?!) with my dog (she loved them.  I guess a Husky would).  Sunday I took a day off (even God rested on Sunday).  Monday hit the 'mill again while my daughter was in preschool.  Tuesday...now get this: after my 12-1/2 hour work day, I went the to the gym and ran on the 'mill! The real shocker is that Wednesday I did the SAME!!  AND did I mention strict tracking the whole week?? WHEW!

I'm elated.  Even better, I don't feel that it was too much of a lifestyle shift to make this happen.  I mean, I did this all last year.  Something just clicked in me that I had to get going and keep going.

One of my BFF's little 9-year-old girl is my "friend" on our Fitbit page.  Would you believe she kicks my butt in daily steps...well, daily?!  She created a "challenge" with a bunch of her friends so we all joined and could see where each other fell instantly.  It was FUN!  I was in third until some stinker snuck in in the last 4 minutes and pushed me into fourth.  But that little challenge pushed me to go to the gym even more!  So today, I created one with my sister.  She's pregnant and beat me during my work day...so you guessed it: had to hit the 'mill and conquer! LOL!

I have my goals...not clearly defined just yet, but I know they're there now and that I want something out of them.  There will be more on that sooner than later.

Tomorrow I go for my referral for the opthamalogist to see about that poor vision issue in my left eye.    Good thing you don't need your eye for running...!

Square one...or not

I really like this message...I just wish I believed it.  The other day, I saw in front of the gym for 20 minutes, in the car, unable to go inside.  I was texting my sister who offered me some nice bits of wisdom that I will need to continue to reflect on to keep going:

• You are not starting over, just picking up where you left off
• Don't be afraid to pick up again, it's a chance to rebuild what you want
• You HAVE done this before, so you know it CAN be done again, even if it feels too hard
• Just start with 15 minutes.  No matter what, that's more than what could have happened sitting on the couch
• 15 minutes from now, you can either feel proud of yourself, or lazy and disappointed

WOW.  That was pretty powerful.  So, I dragged my butt in, allowing myself 15 minutes then figuring everything after was a bonus.  I started on the treadmill and did intervals for ... get this ... 60 minutes!!  It goes without saying that of course I felt awesome and was grateful for having done it.  The next day, I got up and did 35 minutes of intervals around my neighborhood.  TODAY, I went to the gym again and stayed on the 'mill for 60 minutes, doing fast intervals and of course felt awesome.  

SO, I feel like I'm back at it.  I've beat myself up pretty good physically, allowing myself to gain weight unhealthily like that and get out of shape, decreasing my conditioning by what feels like 100%.  THEN I beat myself up pretty good mentally, which has been the major barrier in the way of me being "back at it" much sooner.  Interesting, of the blogs I follow, it seems many are suffering from this right now, for reasons unknown, and fear getting back to it.  I like redirecting my thinking from being at "square one," to simply returning to my journey.  I've noticed that I lack goals, which is severely impacting my drive (or lack thereof), so I've begun thinking seriously about what I want next...or in general.  It's so scary, because it makes it real.  But, I've also learned I need it go be "real" to make anything happen. More on that later...

My mental state has embarrassingly effected my thinking with respect to other non-running related to things.  I think not running/working out left all that negative energy stuck in me and boiled up to my brain.  That's bad.  Very bad.  That said, look for more positive things coming from me...I really don't like behaving that way.

While running, I had all of this stuff I wanted to say, and couldn't wait to get to sit and write it out... Of course, writer's block.  ;) I guess this is just a part of my journey as well. =D

BikeMS Frankenmuth

What. A.WEEKEND!

Camping, friends, carriage rides...and of course biking!

My friend organized a team of 6 riders to form "Team Amy" and fundraise for the National MS Society.  We chose the 60-mile weekend, which meant riding 30 miles on Saturday and 30 miles on Sunday through a beautiful route plotted through and around Frankenmuth.

It was so beautiful! It's taken me awhile to get this entry together, hoping I'd find the words to adequately express what I was feeling.  All I came up with was adjectives to reflect my physical sensations, and all mostly about my butt, quite frankly:

Ow
Sore
Pain
Ow

I also had the expected endorphin rush of completing such a task, and even after 30 miles, somehow I wasn't as physically spend as running just 13.1.  Hmmm....

I still don't have the words for the emotions I experienced.  Look at all these people who have spent their time, energy, and effort to help those they love.  And my friend Ann lead the way...unbelievable.  No one else in my life really acknowledges it, and hear she is organizing a team, fundraising and riding 30 miles while 6-months pregnant.  It was overwhelming! To say I was experiencing gratitude, love, support...is a huge understatement...unfortunately brain fog prevents me from finding it.  ;P

On Sunday, I rode alone.  I decided if I was still feeling physically up to riding that day, I was going to tackle the 50-mile route that day...you never know: I might not be able to next year! =D  I figured, I can at least do the 30 miles, as that's what I committed to, and if I'm not feeling it, the SAG vehicle will bring me in.  Guess what:  I did it!!  And I felt amazing!! I mean, I had to literally had to be peeled off my bike at the end, but I did it!  Vivian was there to meet me and almost got ran over as she tackled me, welcoming to the Finish Line, and Dan gave me my medal.  *shaking my head*  I cannot tell you how this moment felt.  Everyone who participated in this will forever hold a special place in my heart.  That's all I can say... Thank you. xo

Team Amy

Ann and the beautiful scenery

Vi bringing me in to the Finish Line

Carriage ride...since after riding 30 miles I needed it! LOL!