A taste of summer

Ok, so not running related, because there's not a whole lot of that happening...(more on that later, if I'm up for it)

AND

not really MS related, unless that's the reason there's not much running...
(Unless it's a medicinal intervention, maybe it is.  I kid, I kid...)

BUT

something good that HAS happened lately is I was introduced to this gem of a refreshing, tasting like summer cocktail!!

Deep Eddy Grapefruit vodka is soooooo juicy and mouth-watering! Add a splash of lime-flavored tonic, garnish with lime, and you have your new summer go-to!   4 words:

IN-CRED-I-BLE!

When Motivation Isn't Enough

Wouldn't you know it?  Right when I finally got my mind in sync with my body...my body stopped listening.

I don't know...maybe it's finally the sunny warm weather that begs me to come be a part of it, but I have the motivation...a desire...a NEED even, to get out and run! I've been somewhat successful and getting out there, though my running portions are smaller and fewer than I would like, I'm at least out there, shaking the cobwebs out of my stiffening frame.  The issue with my short intervals doesn't seem like lack of fitness, as I would have thought.  My body feels...differently.  Perhaps if I were a real writer, I'd have the capacity to provide the mental imagery to explain it, but I'm not.  Alas, we'll try this:

It's like;

a feeling of lack of control, with a stubbornness to keep queuing up the movement anyway

that funny tingly feeling you get when a limb falls asleep...only it's not so funny anymore and isn't going away

where did that wall come from, and how did it suddenly jump in front of me?

I'd add more to the list, but I'm suddenly too tired...fatigue.  Paralyzing fatigue.

*****20-minute power nap*****

looking through fog, knowing any step now it will clear up...but doesn't

walking through water when everyone around you is sprinting through air

tip-of-the-tongue syndrome...it's right there...what's that called??  I know it, I know it, I know it...

sores inside my mouth from accidentally biting my tongue that won't seem to get out of the way

difficulty swallowing, which helps me to appear like an infant getting fed rice for the first time (I know, ew, right?)

*drum roll* And my all-time favorite since this whole process of change started *cymbal*: twice in 4 weeks almost dropping my 6-mo-old nieces because I realized rigamortis-like muscle spasm quickly settling in my arm, and having no time to set the babies somewhere safe.  Yeah.  Auntie of the Year, here.  [Insert here the dark thoughts that nag in the cellar of my mind, "THIS is why you couldn't get pregnant...]

I guess this sums up how my body feels differently lately.  Not to mention the total mental mind f*&k of hearing your 5-yo say the following and not have any ounce of power to do anything about it;

"I know you're not good at carrying me anymore, but I wish you could."
"Can you PLEEEAAASE take me on a bike ride? Just a short one, I promise."
"Wake up, Mommy.  Wake up.  Mommy! Wake up! Please just make me some breakfast...!"
"Your back hurts again?!"
"I'll carry this for you, it's too heavy for you."

If I stopped to process with you how I felt about these, we might never leave this blog.  I do need to reach some plateau of acceptance soon, this downward spiral isn't good for any of us.

I guess my point is, I'm learning there may not ever be the "balance" with motivation and energy, time and money, weather and opportunity...you name it.  Maybe it's best to try to press on anyway, because you might wake up crippled tomorrow?  Drastic and self-defeating, I know, but the moral is there.  Had I stopped whining about a lack of motivation and gotten my butt out there anyway, I may have helped to avoid exacerbations with the increased physical activity, or at the very least dropped some of these pounds so I wouldn't be carrying extra weight during tougher times...literally.

Long story long, I find myself retreating to this motto, "At least try."  Then I can avoid these guilt-ridden posts later... *snarky grin*

Cookie Cravings

Ok, so whatever the reason, I'm craving chocolate and cookie like mad.  I don't want to totally fall off the wagon and eat a bunch of crap.  This is why we love Pinterest, right??

OMG no-bake cookies!

So, if you make them just like the Frugal Farm Wife suggests, they're sugar-free, diary-free and gluten-free, but I promise you, not taste free!  They're definitely goo-ier than traditional no-bakes, which more than satisfies the chocolate craving. 

Here's a few of mine! 

Vi and I made them kind of big.  They're so gooey, bite size might have been easier, buuuuut...then I'd feel guilty for eating 8, this way I'm indulging in just 1.  Heehee...

Run (make that Sit) the Plank

Well, on this 3rd anniversary of my beloved Run the Plank 5K, on this LAST SATURDAY IN JUNE we woke to real-feel of 47 degrees, constant rain, and 15 mph winds.  Given we were to have 3 kids under 5 years of age...we sadly decided to sit this one out.  It was forecasted to get worse throughout the day, too.

Am I not a real runner now?  Too much of a sissy?  I don't know...probably not, but they were thoughts that had crossed my mind anyway.  I haven't run in 10 days and I'm pretty sure there was not the historical PR to be made here.  Does that it make my excuse worse for not participating?  Probably, but I don't care.  For me it's been the little things that have made my running "fun" for me and motivated to keep trying.  A poor time in this race may have been a devastating blow.  I know that's not totally what it's about, but I know my limitations and right now I think it was a good call.

Ann, DD and kids still came and stayed the night and had a nice breakfast with us Saturday morning. Not a race, but even more satisfying.  <3

It's always amazing to me how quickly and easily I slip out of positive habits and running routines.  My birthday trip to the Keys started the very slippery slope into gluttony, laziness, and little motivation.  As I sit researching races today, though, I'm pleasantly surprised and happy that I still get that excited feeling in my chest when thinking about, planning, and training for races.  I know I need and WANT to get back out there and do some kind of activity...just one more day off...  *wink*

I believe I'm suffering from a little sadness...and maybe a feeling of hopelessness?  I know my daily runs were combating that when I was participating in the RW Run-streak.  Another reason to get back at it.  My recent job interview went less-than-stellar.  Apparently, I've learned recently my family has to remain local for the next 4.5 years, and I hadn't necessarily planned on that.  My sister's getting married this weekend and I'm not feeling picture-worthy.  It all leads to this kind of "trapped" feeling.  These things can be quite overwhelming if not dealt with properly, so the risk of losing my mind if a pretty good motivator to get back out there.  Yikes.

Time to Assess

Well, as my 40th birthday is around the corner and I leave for my surprise Key West birthday trip, I have to assess my progress in my M.O.M. (MILF on a mission).

It's fair to say I'm not at my weight goal, in fact 14 lbs away from my first goal (granted, it may have been slightly lofty).  I do believe I'm more toned, so the small results I see make me happy my efforts are paying off.  My endurance is most definitely increasing, and while I'm still not running as far or as long as I used to, I'm still trying, consistently, to get there.  My commitment to such things has waxed and waned so much in the past, this is probably the biggest accomplishment I have in this goal.

True enough, I wanted to look "better" in my the pictures memorializing this stupid milestone birthday.  I wanted the visual memories to match how happy I feel inside.  I'm still upright, mobile, and all (most, HA!) of my faculties, and this wonderful ability to keep trying and being a positive, healthier role model for my daughter.  So, I may not be able to "see" that in pictures, but I know it and that's actually enough.  :)

...besides:  I can still be in pictures in 6 more months and maybe my outside will match my inside more.

2 Birthday Parties & 1 Book Club

All of which are very typically events of indulgence...and these didn't disappoint.  *sigh*  I think I tried to make some decent choices, perhaps not OVERLY do it.  And probably my best decision was to make sure I got in my daily runs.  *big cheesy grin*

These two helped me get it done

I'm not sure if it will completely negate the damage I did with food and drink, but I tried.  And I don't feel too, too guilty for indulging. I had a nice time and know that I still consumed less than I normally would have, so that's still progress.  :)

At the second birthday party, my friend, Ann found this and said she could share it with me.  It wasn't so much the Coke as our adventurous spirit! With my recent weeks' of activity I really have felt my adventurous spirit return.

Today, I found myself realizing I was keeping up with my daughter learning to ride her two-wheeler.  Running, running, running and I wasn't gasping for air...or dying like I imagine I would have a month ago! LOL! Talk about a NSV (Non Scale Victory)!! THAT was the hugest reward and sense of accomplishment since embarking on this journey.  She noticed I was right there with her the whole time, too.  A-MAZE-ING, I tell ya.

We did it!

National Running Day & a Run Streak

For some reason, I impulsively committed to the Runner's World Summer Run Streak.  It runs (see what I did there?) from Memorial Day to July 4th, and you aim for at least a mile every day.  Seems simple enough...until I don't feel like it after a 12.5 hour shift! LOL!  My longest streak was 5 days, and I'm proud to say I've made it to this, Day 10 of my #RWrunstreak!  Since I knew I had to run today anyway, I'm not sure why "National Running Day" made it more of a certainty, but it did.  I got in 4.25 miles and even had some company for 2 miles of it.
 

"Come on, Mommy.  You can do it!" ~Vi

Why does my shadow look like that?!? I digress... Anyway.  It's been fun meeting my daily goal.  It's paying off in many areas, too: weight loss, strength, confidence, mental strength... things that aren't necessarily part of my usual state.  

I recently added the "Daily Mile" widget to the blog.  It's kind of fun to track all my info in one spot.  It makes me think I should try and enter all of 2015's data so it looks cooler... *giggle*

I also committed to a fitness challenge with my sister...for 28 days! At its core, it's what I've been trying to incorporate independently, but with a clear yet flexible guide.  It has the clean eating, cardio, and strength training aspects I like, and an online community that is epically supportive.  The best part is she and I are in the same stage of change, simultaneously, and have the same daily challenges! She's another virtual partner of mine, but the accountability and support is better than when I had a physical partner that I saw 5 out of 7 days! I've already seen improvement in her that makes me even more proud of her and even more motivated to keep going.  Granted, it officially started June 1, but we're three days in and going strong! LOL!  We both had a good loss this week, too!  I wasn't so certain I would manage a loss after Ann's milestone breakfast of eggs sardou, roasted potatoes, and 3 (YES 3!!) slices of chocolate cake. Mmmm.....  Guess those daily runs balanced it out pretty well since I was down 3.1! *grin*