Bayshore in Review

Ok, so...I did it!

I'll tell you: it was my worst time, but not the worst time...get it??

This is my third Half Marathon, and each time I've gotten slower.  My initial reaction is to be bummed out, but I also would be remiss if I didn't admit my training had gotten less each time as well.  Lesson = You really do get out of it when you put into it!

I think I mentioned this before, but my sister encouraged me to participate in this race to "not let MS win."  *shake my head* I'll admit, it's pretty cliche', but it did factor into my decision-making.  I didn't want my pride and fear of not having a "fast" time to get in the way of embracing my opportunity to at least be in it this year.  Morbid or not, the reality is there's a potential I may not be able to one day.  I probably wouldn't go so dark so soon, but waking up with blindness in my left eye totally scared me and I'm left with bits of residual fear on a daily basis.  I open my eyes s-l-o-w-l-y praying the light will come in...  Anyway.  I'm glad I did this race, regardless of the clock.  I had a great time! *grin*  Lesson = Take advantage of the opportunity and just do it.

This was the largest Half in which I've participated, so the sheer numbers were awesome! I enjoyed being part of something so big, and not one person made me feel like I didn't belong.  Even though a race implies competition, I've always found runners to be the most supportive of their competitors in their field.  It felt special to be part of such a group!  Despite the large field, I thought race execution was seamless.  Half participants were bussed to the Start Line, and even though there was a small wait in line (likely because I got there late against their advice), it went quickly.  There were plenty of bathroom facilities before, during, and after the race, which I think I can speak for everyone when I say, "thank you!" HAHA! The spectators were great! It seemed like watching the race was as much an event for spectators as the racers! Us back-of-the-pack-ers (BOTP) were pretty easily identifiable, but the crowd offered words of support, encouragement, and praise for our efforts.  I do have to admit there was one section of spectators more than half way through that apparently couldn't see the BOTP passing by right in front of them.  I heard a dad say to his young kids, "Oh, get your whistles.  Here come more marathoners."  HA! I may or may not have audibly scoffed at him, but later just laughed.  Whatever.  I'm not a marathoner, nor am I fast.  So what.  I was IN it, not WATCHING it.  *snarky grin*

You seriously can't be the view.  Staring at the bay the whole time compels you to want to keep putting one foot in front of the other to see where the view goes.  Sadly, I didn't get a pic of it, because that would have expended energy I could not waste. LOL! Silly, but kinda true.  When people tell you to do this race for the views (not to mention BQ if you're going for that!), do it.  They weren't lying.  

Coming through the gait onto the track at the end was kind of surreal.  The only time I was on such tracks was with the Marching Band, and while I certainly count that as athletic, "real" athletes would probably disagree.  Running it through the Finish Line, in front of the stands full of people, including my husband and daughter, was simply incredible.  Full disclosure:  I kind of wanted to die at Mile 11.  I think I was cramping every where and insanely tired.  I saw Dan & Vi who were the best injection of energy there, and convinced me to keep going.  I walked a lot of those last 2 miles...but once I got on that track I felt like I flew! I managed a sprint across the Finish Line! WHAAAAT?!

You can hear my name around 2:45:50 and I cross with a purple tank top at around 2:45:53!

This was the first race in which I participated that I could see a video of the finish!  This is super cool to me!  

The "after party" was the best, too.  PLENTY of refueling items, drink, Moomer's ice cream...space to sprawl out and avoid dying! HAHA!  Seriously, it was fantastic.  Thank you, TCTC!

This was my reward! GORGEOUS!  

Bayshore or Bust

Ok, I'm just going to do it.  I committed to this race in December, hoping I'd have a solid 5 months of training, eating right, getting my body "right" again after a brief (ok, 9-12 month long) hiatus.  As you know, life happens, I'm not always the best at rebounding from it, and here I am, not really much further along than I was in December...

After much vacillation, I'm just going to try my best.  My PR will be nowhere in site, but having accomplished one of Michigan's best races offered, is pretty important to me, too.  I'm getting more and more excited as the date comes closer and I receive updated correspondence from the TCTC Bayshore Marathon organizers.  The process, pictures of the views, not to mention Race Day forecast looks pretty perfect! My sister who lives there is pretty excited to have us up again, even though she has to work all weekend.  She's an ER nurse at Munson Hospital, so I joked she might end up seeing me anyway! HA! Seriously, not planning on it... I won't be running the whole thing like the first Half, but am believing to be pretty solid at a run/walk approach.  I know it's a pretty competitive race, but I'm not competing against anyone else this time, just me.  And maybe obscure things that have tried to take me down at some point over the last 6 months... I plan on beating that, too.  *snarky grin*

A positive coming out of my rapid, focused "training" these last 6 weeks was a renewed vigor for why I wanted to do this stuff in the first place.  Pushing myself daily (or whatever, you know, close enough), making the commitment to do SOMEthing each day and actually doing it has been a wonderful side effect for me.  I lost that somewhere along the way and it feels like it's mine again.  I'm slow to be back where I "was," but I feel in a better groove again.  Maybe I never will be, but I won't be sedentary either, so I'm holding on to that.  DD checks in with me daily and continues to do her part in maintaining her own efforts in our quest to be at the least, fit moms, and tire out playing with our kids.  Knowing, even virtually, someone is trying to do the same thing is a great motivator and provides accountability.  My baby sister has also re-harnessed her desire to eat better and get more active.  In fact, she's the one that sent me the reminder that our Detroit Women's Half Marathon & 5K is in 4 months already, so she's on it! Ann is working on her own efforts with her own sort of approach, and Midge recently met a goal she set back in December, so I know so many I care about around me are sharing my sentiments about trying to be healthier, more fit, for a myriad of our reasons, and I'm not alone.

So, I went with friends to the Cheesecake Factory in Novi this weekend.  I know, right??  The slice I chose boasts (I found out later, of course) one of the highest content in calories at 1530.  Yes, for one slice.  It took me 4 days to eat it all, so I broke it up and ran 2-4 miles each of those days to account for it.  I'm hoping for no gain this week, but a pretty solid NSV would be that I actually tried to work off my consumption this time, instead of just dismissing it as a loss (or, more accurately a gain, but you get it).  Aside from this and a handful of other purposeful indulgences, I've been eating pretty clean for 4 weeks now.  I can't say a lot about it yet, but I can say that my digestive system is starting to work more efficiently, and supposedly it's supposed to minimizes flare-ups or relapses, say some.  We'll see.  I even have "clean" supplements/gels/etc. for my long runs now! HA!

Assuming I survive Bayshore, I'll give a full report shortly after.  *high five*

Sucking doesn't always have to...well, suck

HAHAHAHA!!!  

Get it??

Sooooo painfully true.  I wouldn't say I was having trouble with motivation lately, but I AM having trouble with just getting the work in.  Mind you, I say this because I have taken 3 days off in a row and the guilt is KILLING me! So weird! Like, I'm standing "working out" up! I have plenty of excuses, some even justifiable.  The fact is, life gets in the way and I need to be more flexible in accommodating it.

I had a fantastic week in the "results" arena last week, both on the scale and in non-scale victories.  I think that's why I'm so desperate to ensure I hold on to those!  Aside from only one delicious, huge, delicious chimichanga, I've still been pretty solid with my clean eating.  I'm holding on to that.  I've had my gym bag packed and in my car every day this week, so it wasn't planning I was lacking.  Like I said, just life in the way.  I'm excited to be back at it again, oddly.

As a sidebar:  I'm not sleeping again.  I mean, the paralyzing fatigue is still present most of the day, but when I crawl into bed after a long day, I cannot find a fitful sleep all night...for nights on end.  Actually, I sleep well after 5:00 a.m. when Dan gets out of bed.  I do actually have a theory: I feel better when he is up and around the house, like he's aware and protecting it.  When we're all in bed and sleeping over night, it feels more...vulnerable.  Probably PTSD from having had an uninvited visitor come during the over-night hours, if I had to guess.  Pa-thet-ic.  I know.  No one's more irritated this than I, I assure you.  And do you think it's mere coincidence that "suspicious behavior" at my house was observed last night after posting my come-back on Monday? I didn't think so either...

I digress.  Just a facet of life being in the way... I recognize it now as not being *in* the way, but rather *the* way.  This *is* life.  I'll figure out a (positive!) way to navigate through it.  The minutes are going to tick by either way, and I'd rather know I exerted what ever control I had over it.  I suggest you try and do the same.  :)

Every step you take...I will be watching you

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Emotional Laziness

I often talk about my emotional eating, but this week noticed how that same propensity morphed into an emotional laziness...I felt really unable to exercise this week.  I had such an awesome Monday and Tuesday, too...

The thing this week is something happened at work that unfortunately slid over into my personal life, like legitimately, not just me letting it emotionally occur.  The potential for a somewhat dangerous situation is always present I guess, as anybody can Google you and find out where you live.  That's literally bringing your work home with you!  So, long story short, someone came to my home that should not have, and I feel totally violated.  Going to the gym doesn't feel like an option right now.  I know it's not rational...but sometimes you can't use logical to deal with illogical situations, you know?

My sister said I still don't have to let this sabotage my efforts.  I know, I know.  I guess the good news is, if any, that I haven't really sabotaged my eating.  Small victories, right?

I have a little panic set in when I think about my training, though.  Runner's World said going longer than 2 days in between running can begin to not improve endurance, rather just sustain it.  I dragged through a painful 4 miles on Monday and was hoping to get through 5 miles at some point this weekend.  Having only 1 training session in between doesn't bode well for that.  I know that I don't want to give my power over to this situation, and let it ruin my goals.  *sigh* I guess when I start to get overwhelmed by the idea of things, I'll try and keep this idea at the forefront of my mind.

Life so easily gets in the way of my training efforts, when I'm trying to make training a regular way of life!

Fundraising at its funnest!

So, check this out:

Super fun, right??  I said it would be a fun way to take a gamble on a fun time.  Heehee...I couldn't resist.  It's a fun activity if you're planning a stay-cation for Memorial Day weekend!  Sadly...I'll be in Traverse City that weekend, as it's the Half Marathon the day before.  Of course, I'm trying to figure out if I can pull off both just because I'm so excited, buuuut...I don't know.  Dan will probably reign me in...

Speaking of the Half Marathon....YIKES! It's less than 9 weeks away!! *GASP* Ohhhhh dear.  I don't want to put it out there my fear and concern, buuuuut....  I don't have my Aunt Vickie to drag me through this one, so I HAVE to be adequately prepared!! I knew I was behind on my original training schedule.  Readjusting it and looking at the suggested training plan on www.walkjogrun.net (I really like this site), I'm STILL behind about a week and a half.  

I did another "long run" today, hoping to get caught up, but being cautious to not induce injury from ramping up mileage too quickly.  I went prepared with my electrolyte-replacing drink, a gel, and a banana for after! I was proud of remembering all of those things.  I dropped Vi off ready to head the two miles over when I realized I left my phone/music at home.  Aaaarrrghhhh! Home is 25 minutes in the opposite direction! I made the decision that it was worth it, because I would never get through 4 miles without it.  It's an understatement it say it was "rough."  I think the 3 mile run Friday was MUCH easier the whole way.  Actually, mile 4 today as the easiest!  I just couldn't find my rhythm and get into the zone.  My thoughts were flooded with the realization that I was having difficulty running 3 miles, and in less than 9 weeks I'd need to be prepared to run 10 more! In January when I committed to doing this race, I had visions of a well-prepared, much more fit version of me killing that race.  I've decided there's no other way to turn that into a positive, motivating statement other than to just ignore it, and get it out of my head.  The reality of my situation now is I have 9 weeks until a big race.  I need to be pragmatic and do what I can do build strength, increase my mileage and put speed on the back burner until future races.  I can only do what I can do, with the time amount of days in front of me. I'd like to say I'm going to make the best out of those 61 days, buuuuut...if you've read this blog regularly enough, you know that faltering is my reality, and I can only count on progress not perfection.

I would thank you in advance for your well-wishes and prayers, though, because that's part of what it's going to take! =D

Sometimes Life Just Sucks

...for no other reason that it just does.

Be prepared for a completely bi-polar post.

On Monday I was informed that a dear friend of the family, a member of my bible fellowship, lost her fiancé in a car accident.  The same friend who unexpectedly lost her mother in December.  Yeah.  Riiiiight.  Sucks.  Just sucks.  It's always amazing to me how our brain works and its instant defensive mode to protect and cope.  My brain immediately goes to how life isn't fair, how could God let this happen, she didn't deserve this, and other much darker thoughts I'll spare you... Thankfully, I can renew my mind and stay above water.  I know the truth and have been taught and raised on that truth. There is not always a cause/effect answer for everything in our free-will world.  So sometimes it just sucks.  Our response to it doesn't have to, though.  Remember to be grateful for what and who you have and don't let ugly bitterness settle in to ruin that.

(hang on for the swing)

...I guess it was this philosophy that kept me focused on being committed to working toward my goals.  Nothing is certain, and maximizing what we do have is important.  I want to be the best version of myself for me and my family, as that will optimize our time together, too! Maybe that and working out was a good way to physically work through some of these emotions. Full confession: I joined Planet Fitness on Monday for $10 down/$10 a month.  I figured I had been successful in the gym environment before, and trying to use my own rickity treadmill wasn't cutting it.  I'm saving money every month because I quit my Weight Watchers app ($20/month) because I wasn't tracking consistently and I wasn't feeling it this time around.  So, I actually worked out (at PF, out of my way home):

Monday: W10/R20/W5/R10/W15
Tuesday: Funeral then intervals of 2m running at 5.0 (fast for me lately!)/90s walk for 40 mins. IN-TENSE!
Wednesday: [Ridiculous sidebar: While on a home visit to a patient's home, I got bit by a dog.  Company policy is, of course, no matter that skin wasn't broken and it was just a bruise, I go to the Urgent Care to be checked and medically released.  I was livid.  It was the most embarrassing waste of time and resources.  Anyway, I didn't get done with that until 10:45 and my blood pressure was 139/98 causing ringing ears and a headache so I came home and went immediately to bed. Grrrr....)
Thursday: Admittedly, the long hours at work always gets to me Thursday evening, as well as I don't think I've worked out more than 3 days in a week in 20 weeks, I felt pretty exhausted! I still managed to walk 45 minutes at a 3.0 pace on a 2.0 incline, then did some weight training for my arms.
Friday: While Vi was at school this morning, I managed to go work out again...less than 10 hours from when I worked out last, I might add! Today I wanted to see if I could run two miles straight without stopping to walk.  I'd set my new beginner pace at a 13:19 mile.  I knew from Monday I could run 20 minutes, so I planned to push 6 more minutes (and 38 seconds) to accomplish two miles.  It was rough.  It wasn't pretty.  I spent the first part of watching a Joel Osteen podcast entitled "No excuses."  I thought it was fitting.  =P After 20 minutes I decided I needed to hear the push of my music to power through the last 6 minutes (and 38 seconds).  At 24 minutes (2:38 to go!), a young girl got on the 'mill next to me and started to run.  I LOVE this.  I don't know what it is; I call it drafting, but I LOVE drafting off a runner next to me.  Even when they're faster than me (which is all the time), you some how get into a rhythm.  You can really feel they're in a same sense of limit-pushing misery as you and there's something strengthening about that.  Well, with her on board, I managed to eek out the last 2:38 feeling STRONG! So strong...that I pushed through another 13:19 to tackle another mile!! 3 miles running!! I was so happy, I intended to tell her when I was done, but she got off and left before I was done.  Now, I also noticed that I damn near passed out, so I don't think it was very smart of me.  I felt the chills all over as I was sweating bullets into my sweat-soaked clothes, and noticed the little stars knocking at the edges of my periphery...which was now narrowing.  I walked 9 more minutes to make sure I was stable, grabbed my stuff out of the locker and headed outside where it was cooler and I had an electrolyte replacing shake in my truck on the ready.  I'll tell you, I was a little worried for a second, there! I realized I wasn't thinking clearly, felt sluggish and slow cognitively... I guzzled the 16 oz and let it seep through my body.  As I slowly recovered, a smile slowly graced my face as I haven't experienced this sense of pride in pushing my physical limitations in at least 5 months.  I thought to myself, that if I woke up tomorrow and couldn't walk (from MS not unnecessarily exerting myself through exercise =P), that I could be proud of what I did today.

So, that's my new goal, to try to be proud of some little part each day in an effort to be present, mindful, and grateful for what I do have.  The saying in my living room this week is:

What you plant NOW, you will harvest LATER

It's a nice reminder for me, and seems to have been working.  =)

Now, DD's saying for today might be a more appropriate one:

Friday.  My second favorite "F" word.

HAHA! They both are so fitting for this week!