More wishes...

It seems I'm getting better at NOT wishing I had whatever of everyone else's... see previous post.

But I'm not getting better at not wishing more from me...  Like, still wishing I was performing at where I was two years ago.  The Domino effect follows that I wish I was still as disciplined to my routine, wish I built endurance like I did "before"...  I can't quite place why I can't achieve these things now, despite my efforts.  I guess it means that I really CAN, but I have to keep working at it.

I forget that the process is what's important, not the outcome.  If I want a different hairstyle, I got get it done and it's done.  If I want a new escape, I get a new book.  But if I want a more physically fit body, I can't just go out on one run and expect to be "there."  I am ok with that now, and actually enjoying the anticipation.  This is something I CAN do, HAVE done, and WILL do again.

To celebrate Columbus Day and discovery, Vi and I headed out on a two-mile adventure that she biked and I "ran."  I use air quotes because I feel the need to still qualify that it wasn't as fast as I used to be.  Riiiiight.  I'll try to stop that.

I used that run plus a much slower two-mile run earlier in the day to try and "shake things out."  The last couple days I've been struggling with a threatening spine issue.  I don't want to go too far into it, so as to not give it any more credit.  I try to stay loose...I'm not even sure if this is real, but in my mind it makes sense.  I *think* I'm better off for having pushed through it, but I'm painfully aware of my fragile spine and this sensation that my brain thinks I don't have legs.  This is probably my final "wish" with which I'll struggle...but I plan to keep struggling!

How about I change it up to I "wonder" now...? I wonder what, since it's not physical fitness yet, I will be mastering?  Like what is my strength right now??  What is YOURS? Are we always aware of what those are?  If not, we probably should be...

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I'm thankful that my daughter seems to naturally, unconditionally support my running efforts.  As she rides ahead, a half a block away, she's still ringing her bell yelling, "Come on, Mommy! Go, Mommy!" She's an unbelievably amazing person that makes me smile every day.  :)