Most recently, I've become all too aware of finding myself "wishing" for what others have. Really, it boils down to comparing myself against them, for whatever...
I wish:
- I was as committed to my accountability efforts as they are.
- I was as "fit" as I was two years ago.
- I could get my healthy grocery shopping done.
- I worked out as consistently as they do.
- I ran faster...longer.
- I was better at mothering.
- I was a better housewife...partner.
- I could have more than one child.
- I was as convicted at bettering my life as the desperation I feel.
I recognize this as comparison. So, believe it or not, I actually have assigned myself some cognitive behavioral therapy homework and am forcing myself to challenge those beliefs as they occur. I am becoming better at accurately describing the reality rather than imposing my emotion tied to it. For example:
"I wish I was a committed to may accountability efforts as they are," through a tedious thought/question process, breaks down to:
"I see you are quite committed to making yourself accountable to (_____). I am, too. By noticing your effort, I acknowledge I would like to KEEP doing it, and maybe implement some of your tried-and-true-methods." As if someone could be "better" than I am to my own efforts...sha! As if! (I could NOT resist that inflection!)
If I weren't committed, it wouldn't have registered with me...you follow? It's honestly semantics, but it's been working. I have less shaming and more praise...for myself and others. And I keep learning more and more, that despite isolating myself...I am really not alone in anything I experience. What a comforting notion that's become! Others experience it. Others figure it out. I can, too.
I have read A LOT lately about the mental game, and how that's really the game changer in any scenario be it exercise, work, academics...if you let your mental game falter, you will. Period. I've been trying to keep my mental game sharper lately, which, if I'm honest, has been a HUGE contributor to my problem for...as long as I can remember! I'm so quick to revert to,
"No...I can't. I'm too this, too that...who did I think I was kidding by trying to do (_____)?!"
My spiritual journey these recent 10 months is being tasked with addressing that issue. If I can actually remember to employ what I know to be true, it works. Every. Time. Distractions (I'll say the enemy, you say whatever makes you comfortable) get to me and sideline me. Not so easy anymore, though...and it feels GOOD. I've recently been challenged to quit giving my power to others, and LETTING them take the joy from me. I mean, I was OFFERING my joy to people before they even got to exercise the power I had given them!
So I'm trying to take, "I wish" out of my vernacular (except when singing 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" because by the grace of God my daughter still loves for me to sing to her! *HA HA*) and replace it with, "I thank You that I am already (_____)," or "I'm glad I got to see (_____) to inspire me to (____)."
Why can't we all do this more readily? Why is it such a self-defeating competition??
So, add that to the infinite list of things I keep trying... *chortle*
I'd rather look back in a few years on this blog to see that I kept trying, as opposed to reading the same entry week after week of my wallowing with no effort to change my situation...right?? (Check back with me in 2018 *HA!*)
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