Super Bowl Confessions

I LOVE SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!!

I don't necessarily love the teams in this Super Bowl 49, but that's another post for another time, I guess.

I'll thank you in advance for your unconditional, non-judging assessment of this entry.  Some of the content is very embarrassing and my attempt at real talk is to get it out there and fix it! :)

I planned some health-conscious friendly snacks/food for the day, too, to avoid over doing it.  I guess that's my first confession; I DID overdo it yesterday as we went to Buddy's Pizza where I had 1/2 an individual-sized antipasto salad and 2.5 slices of deep dish pizza! *gasp*  I know, right?! I have no justification as I loved every bite of it.  However, my WW week starts on Wednesday and I hadn't used any of my weekly points yet, so I'm still not over this week (...so far).  Anyway, I digress.  Have an oriental cabbage salad, various fruit, and chicken nachos planned for this evening.  YUM!  I might even get in some form of activity today and earn points for some Angry Orchard (I LOVE that stuff!) because they're 6 PTS!!  Yikes.

Second confession is, well, bad.  I'm putting it out there in hopes that it helps cleanse me and you know exactly what type of person you're dealing with here.  So my sister, whom I've been encouraging to get out and walk, trot, jog, or run for 2 years now, and has a membership at a gym, got a brand new treadmill for her home.  AND she posts on the Facebook how she's completed week 3 of the C25K program.  And I'm smug.  SMUG! I realize I'm jealous. JEALOUS! She doesn't read this blog so it's okay to put it all out there.  I'm jealous she gets a new treadmill at home, as mine is old, used by someone else, AND that she's actually doing it!  I am not.  Not as consistently as I had planned, and now she's showing progress.  Progress that is AWESOME! I mean, the human side of me is truly thrilled.  I am so proud of her and I can tell it's starting to build the confidence that we all know comes with doing this.  I can't wait to join her this summer and go for runs together; I think that would be so awesome!!  But the insecure, bitter, jealous a-hole side of me says, "Hmph." I'm so gross.  I mean, I want my other sister desperately to do the same thing, as she and I are virtual partners in our fitness quest for at least 3 years now.  Why am I not jealous of her??  So weird!  And gross.  I'm so gross.  While I was walking on my jenky treadmill that night, I felt a burn inside me that said, "Oh yeah? Well.  You're going to have to try and catch this!" I mean, a little positive competition is good! I can't tell yet if it was positive or plain mean.  I want to shake my initial response because I know it's not who I am.  I'm just feeling so insecure and unworthy right now and hatin' on someone who is doing what I want to be doing is just poor sportsmanship and evidence that I not only need to train my body, but train my mind, too.  I've GOT to get my head on right... I swear, the mental component is at least 90% of the game.  Ok, so this cathartic effort has in fact helped in righting my mind.  I'm going to keep exercising my brain, too.

Last confession for this post:  Periodically I get hung up on interactions with people that happened in the past.  I've recognized lately that I've been using those negative interactions as evidence to support my unworthiness.  I'm not sure WHY this has started to be a hang up for me NOW, but it is.  It's feeding my insecurity and paralyzing my motivation.  It feels a bit lonely because I feel embarrassed for feeling this way, of course!

You know me; I like to analyze the crap out of everything, so it's made me feel slightly better that I've been able to identify the force that's been working against me and getting in the way of working toward my goals.  I believe I can do something about that now.  And I'll tell you, I'm counting a lot on my faith lately and I have to say I can see the results already.  After all, I've already learned the strength isn't coming from within me alone, so...why not trying relying on that for a while?